Almost Happy
by Lucky-112
Summary: This starts from Tabula Rasa but the spell doesn’t work, so Buffy gets to finish her little heart-breaking speech in the magic box and Spike gets to comfort her….BS COMPLETE!
1. Worry

Title: Almost Happy

Summary: This starts from Tabula Rasa but the spell doesn't work, so Buffy gets to finish her little heart-breaking speech in the magic box and Spike gets to comfort her….B/S

Rating: R – just in case, not sure if it will be an R rating. 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters which I have used, they belong to Joss, damn him! That big geek and genius! Don't worry Joss I love you really. 

**Chapter 1 - Worry**

The whole gang were gathered and wondering what this meeting was all about, Spike had just burst in dressed in very uncharacteristic clothes, Dawn looked extremely amused at him. After that interruption Giles thought it best to move on quickly.

"Alright, then. If we've recovered from Spike's sartorial humour..." He paused briefly looking to Buffy whose face had a pained expression. 

"I will jump to the chase. I'm heading back to England and I plan on staying. Indefinitely."  

Xander looked quite shocked and took a step forward "Now? Not now, not right after... everything." Giles sat down next to Anya wearily as he took in everyone's reaction.  

"Yes, now" 

Anya voiced her response next, which wasn't really a surprising one, although the care in her voice sounded reassuring to his ears. "For real this time? 'Cause honest to Pete, a young shopkeeper's heart can only be broken so many times. I mean, not that I want you to –"

As Buffy listened to Giles tell everyone he was leaving she started to feel more and more sick, she felt as if the walls around her were closing in and there was no way out. She was trapped. She silenced Anya by getting up and heading to the door. 

"I - I can't do this. I gotta... You guys just –"

Willow cut her off by putting a hand on her shoulder. "Buffy. I... listen. I know this must be awful for you. And I'm sorry, so sorry, for what we put you –" 

More apologies Buffy thought, like they can really help, she had just had enough.  

"I'm sorry. Everybody's sorry. And I know you're trying to help me. But it's all too much, Will. The memories, they hurt. I can't take it anymore." 

She took a moment to try and compose herself and looked around at all her friends, how could any of them comprehend what was going on inside her. 

"If you understood how it felt – how it feels now... It's like I'm dying and I can't do anything to stop it… because all I feel is numb,… but there's all this pain everywhere…inside. And I'm trying so hard to be strong because I always have to be but I just can't" her voice broke as tears started to run down her cheek. Everyone one in the shop stared, memorised by her, not knowing what to do. 

Spike couldn't believe it, Buffy was breaking down into tears and none of her friends were doing anything, all they had to do was give her a little comfort, put some arms around her. He'd get up there himself but she'd probably just punch him and run away again. As she continued to cry, choking on her words 

"I can't…not anymore… I can't…"  

Spike finally decided he didn't care what anyone else thought and got up from his place on the shop's counter. Walking steadily over to her, he brought his hand to her face to wipe away the tears that had rolled down her cheek. He couldn't think of anything to say that would make things better, he had found words to sing last time, but now he just wrapped his strong arms around her small body and let her cry into his shoulder. All the people around them watched dumbfounded, they had all seen Spike save Buffy when she was going to spontaneously combust just the day before, and had all been surprised at how close they looked but they had no idea that they were this close. 

The arms that surrounded Buffy felt soothing, she never wanted to admit it to herself but his touch always felt incredible, sending tingles down her spine and bringing what she needed, whether that be a fight or someone to lean on like right now. And she was literally putting all her weight on to him, letting him support her so that her whole body was pressed against his. One of his hands was softly stroking her hair, the other on her back hardly moving but his thumb was rubbing gentle patterns to try and sooth her. As her sobs began to dye down, she swiftly realise how silent the room had become, but when the quiet noise of people shifting around reached her ears she was then suddenly aware that her and Spike were in a close embrace in front of all her friends. She started to regain her senses of the situation and with her eyes still closed, calming herself against him she wondered what she should do next. She didn't want to see the looks on the faces of her friends, their disgust or even worse their pity. Xander made the decision of what to do for her, as he abruptly broke the silence.

 "Spike, why don't you get away from her?" his voice was calm and clear and as Buffy pulled away from Spike's embrace, almost wishing she hadn't because she suddenly missed the arms holding her, she saw that Xander's face was full of worry. _Why was he so worried?_ She could only hope he wouldn't get mad at Spike. So many emotions were running through her, no one else was saying anything and it seemed like the silence was stretching out forever, but it was probably only a few seconds. She looked up at Spike, his face was silently asking if she was o.k. he looked beautiful at that moment, so much care and concern on his face, but she couldn't stay there in that moment any longer, she still felt as if she was suffocating and needed to escape, so she just whispered two words to him. 

TBC…

Authors note: Please review, I would really like to know if anyone wants me to continue this. Thanks, hope you enjoyed. 


	2. Explanation

**Chapter 2 – Explanation**

"I'm sorry"

Spike wondered why she was apologising, _what had she done wrong?_ He realised that she was apologising for what she was about to do, run away again. They were still standing very close to each other, both immobile, but after she finished her words she turned and fled out the door, into the sun where he couldn't chase after her. He stayed standing where he was, watching the door she had just disappeared out of. The stillness didn't last for long though, as the Watcher stepped forward and Spike could see that he was going to give him a piece of his mind.

"Spike, care to tell me what just happened?" Spike took a deep breath, he didn't need this right now. "Don't you have eyes Watcher?"

"I saw what happened, but I want you to explain it to me." His tone was hard and Spike could see he really didn't care for his usually annoying and witty response. Spike just gritted his teeth, thinking about how he could answer, he couldn't tell them the truth, Buffy wouldn't like that but they were bound to figure out there was something different between him and Buffy with what they had just witnessed.

"I was just trying to help. Buf- " He cut himself off, thinking he should re-word the next bit. "The Slayer was going through a hard time and I was just trying to help her."

"She doesn't need you." Giles was now glaring.

Spike let out a soft snort "Yeah" he paused and looked around the whole room, ready to give them all a piece of his mind. "What she needs is little comfort from her friends, but I didn't see any of you stepping forward just now. Do you all know that she's been miserable since she's been back and she was just too afraid of telling you she was in heaven all this time because he didn't want to hurt your feelings, didn't want to make you feel guilty for bringing her back? No, of course you don't, you have no idea what she's going through."

Spike was almost shouting now, but he didn't care anymore, didn't care what they thought. Giles cut him off. "That's enough!"

"Oh no, I'm just getting started. None of you could see what was happening because you were all too wrapped up in your own little worlds that when the person who's always been there for you was in trouble you didn't even notice."

"Of course we did!" Giles practically yelled at him.

"Oh, so that's why you're leaving is it?"  That silenced Giles, but only for a short while.

"I'm leaving because she needs to stand on her own two feet; she has to understand that she can't always fall back on me. She has got to learn to live in the real world and she can only do that on her own."

"Bugger that! Don't you think she's had enough of people leaving for her own good?"

"Look Spike this isn't about me."

"It's not about me either, it's about Buffy. Now is this interrogation over, or do you want to tie me to a chair again?" Giles didn't answer, instead just took off his glasses and began to clean them. Dawn was stood in the corner, looking quite upset, as was Willow. Tara and Anya both had pensive looks on their face and Xander who was stood by Willow placed a hand on her shoulder as he could see she was taking this hard. At the lack of any response from the gang Spike turned and walked to the back of the shop and out the door to the sewer entrance so that he could get back to his crypt.

As they all looked round at each, Anya was thinking that she had to say something, it had been silent way too long and she was always the one to say the blunt truth, which was what she thought everyone needed to hear right now.

"I think Spike was right." She said with her usual smile, but still very serious.

"What?" said Xander.

"Well come on it's true, none of us noticed how depressed she really was, I mean we all just thought she was adjusting from being in Hell right, and even now we know the truth it's not helping her it's just making us feel sorry for ourselves." At that last comment Willow glared at Anya, as it was mainly directed at her. Willow also wondered why her spell had not been successful, she had looked at the crystal and it had turned black so why wasn't it working.

"Yeah, I guess you're right An" Anya face lit up "You do?"

"Yeah, I mean I'm still psyched about my video club idea, what I mean is I think we all need to be a bit more considerate and think about how other people are feeling for a change."

"I agree." Said Tara quietly

"Yeah" murmured Dawn very faintly. She still looked quite distraught after what had happened and was trying not to let tears fall from her eyes. Everyone was looking at her now because it was the first sound she had uttered in a while. "Um…I also agree."

"Well great! Now that we all agree it's all going to be fine isn't it?" Willow sarcasm was evident.

"Willow, please." Giles gave a warning look to Willow, silently asking her to be quiet. He was worried about her; she hadn't been acting like herself for a while, since he had come back from England and now things were getting worse, this wasn't the Willow he used to know. "Look, I want to know that everyone is going to be alright when I'm gone and I'm still going to be leaving tonight so you should all take Xander's advise."

"They should?" Xander said looking very proud.

"Yes, I still believe Buffy can live without my help, but she is still going to need her friends and your support to get back to normal."

TBC…

Authors note: Hope everyone liked that, don't worry, there will be spuffy in the next chapter, although I don't think I'll get it out as quickly as this one, I'm going to try for one a week if everyone can handle that! 


	3. Growing up

Authors note: You lucky things!! You're getting this chapter earlier than anticipated by me! Don't know when the next one will be out but hopefully soon. To answer some of my reviews, thanks by the way to everyone, zanthinegirl – Tabula Rasa was also one of my favourite episodes, but I just always thought it was a perfect moment for some spuffy. Everyone else, thanks for all your comments, hopefully I'll please all of you once this story is complete, and deal with all the stuff not addressed in the show. I've reloaded the previous chapters with the _italics_ and **bold**. Didn't do it right before and it was annoying me, got to have the right formatting, sorry I'm picky! If you didn't already guess the italics are the characters direct thoughts. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

**Chapter 3 – Growing up**

Now that she was finally clear of the shop and people in the street she could breath. She walked into the graveyard; _typical Buffy thought I come straight to a cemetery to think, _and sat down on one of the stone benches. Her mind was so cluttered; all these thoughts kept running through her, so fast that she couldn't keep up. She couldn't believe that the one person who could console her now was Spike, although if she was truly honest with herself he had been the only person she had been able to talk to since she had been back and now that things were getting worse rather than better for her, she needed something more from him. The kiss the other night should have told her that, however much she tried to make out that the kiss was just because of the spell, _oh my god!_ _I even pun in my thoughts!_ She knew it wasn't and she couldn't lie to herself anymore.

And now she couldn't imagine what her friends were thinking after that display in the magic shop, did she even care though, at this point she couldn't spare thoughts for her friends which then made her feel guilty. But right now all her thoughts kept coming back to one blonde vampire.

* * *

As Spike made his way back to his crypt he cursed it for not being dark yet so that he could go find Buffy, although at this point he didn't know whether she'd stake him or kiss him, probably stake him seeing as he had quite a go at her friends. Unfortunately for him he had other things to think about since when he walked into his crypt the loan shark was there with four vampires.

"Well what a pleasant surprise, I was wondering when I'd see you again!" Spike said with clear sarcasm.

"Mr Spike, an interesting choice of wardrobe today, now seeing as you haven't got my kittens yet, I'm going to have to start using force, which I'm never too fond of doing." The loan shark gave a toothy laugh and the four vampires started to close in on Spike.

A struggle began as Spike tried to fight off the four vamps, then from behind him he heard a shout.

"Spike!"

Buffy ran to his aid and started to fight two of the vampires, after a few kicks and punches Buffy managed to stake one and then throw the other across the crypt where Spike having already dusted one of his, staked the remaining two who were both lying on the floor.

The loan shark looked nervous as he mentioned to Spike that he didn't care about the kittens any more and practically fled before Spike could answer back.

Buffy and Spike stood in silence for what seemed like a very long time for the both of them, they kept glancing at each other not sure of what to say. Then they both began at the same time

"I -"

"So -"

Spike chuckled and Buffy gave a shy smile, inwardly laughing at the situation as well.

"Go on luv, you go first."

Buffy gave a bit of a pause, trying to compose herself, thinking about what she really wanted to say to Spike, she couldn't even remember why she had come to his crypt now and he was staring at her so she'd have to start speaking soon.

"I just wanted to come by, didn't think you'd even be back here yet, and I was going to explain, or apologise or something, about what happened. I just think I needed some time to get my head round everything, my life just seems to be falling apart lately and I don't even know why I'm telling you this… but before the other night, with the whole musical thing I would talk to you, and I could tell you things that I couldn't tell anyone else because they didn't understand how I felt… and then things got awkward because we… kissed… and I thought that I should just go back to hating and ignoring you, but… they still don't understand…"

Spike didn't need to ask who 'they' were, her 'friends' had done nothing for her since they found out where she had really been.

"and I still need you… to talk to."

_What did she just say?_

"Wow, I've been rambling for a really long time now, so I'm just going to stop."

"Buffy, you'll always have me to talk to."

Spike sounded so serious and sombre that Buffy was taken aback, she had almost expected him to make fun of her or something.

"Thanks" She tried to sound as sincere as possible but the words came out very faint, she realised she had been holding her breath.

"So... anything you want to talk about right now?"

"No, not really… what about you?"

"Well there is something I want to get straightened out, as we're suddenly being honest with each other." Spike said hesitantly.

"Yeah?", Buffy tilted her head, looking at Spike, trying to see what was coming next.

"That kiss, the other night, why did that happen? And don't just tell me it was a spell."

Buffy paused, trying to get her head round how much of an adult conversation they were having, there had been no shouting, no sarcastic comments, at this point she thought she was in some kind of dream. Except that in a perfect dream she wouldn't have to answer this question.

"Well, you had just saved my life and I… guess I just wanted to… thank you."

"Thank me! Right, it was a thank you kiss!" Spike's remark came out extremely bitter. _Guess I can kiss good bye the grown-up conversation! Buffy thought. _

"I just meant that, it didn't mean anything, it happened… but can't we just go back to how it was before, with us just being friends."

"Friends! Is that what we are? What, you coming round my place every other night and crying on my shoulder?"

"What? I do not cry- " But Spike cut her off before she could finish.

"Why do you want to be friends with me anyway? I mean you've never really liked me, well you don't act like it anyhow and whenever we start to get close you just push me away!"

"We've only just started to get close! …no I don't mean close, we're not close… I mean we've only just started to spend time together… As friends!" Buffy started to stumble over her words; everything was becoming way too delicate, it was like Spike was trying to make out they were in some kind of relationship, when that was the farthest thing they could ever be in. Especially when he was being so nasty!

"And what are you talking about, when have I pushed you away?"

"After we kissed…-"

"I was confused…"

"And when you were really drunk that one time, I try to help you up and you just go all crazy!"

"What? You can't blame me for that, I was really drunk, you just said so yourself!"

"You're just scared, scared that you might actually fall for me, and then what would happen? Your friends would think less of you? Because you would enjoy me giving it to you every night -"

"You Pig!"

"That's right, this is more like it!"

"You know what, I really REALLY DON'T think I want to be friends with you, in fact I must have been insane to think I ever did!"

As Buffy practically shouted this at Spike she turned and started to stride away as fast as possible out of his crypt.

"Well I don't want to be friends with you either!" Spike shouted back out the door way, hiding from the sun.

_God he's such a child. I hate him. _

_God she's such a child. I love her. _

TBC…


	4. Teenagers

**Chapter 4 – Teenagers**

Willow stepped into Revello drive followed by Tara.

"Buffy! Buffy are you home?" Willow shouted as she looked into the living room and then around the rest of the house.

"I don't think she's here." Tara sighed. "I think she needs her space right now, lets just relax and…" Tara paused noticing and recognising the small flowers on the floor by the fire place. "What's this?" she said picking up the bag they were in.

"That's…er…"

"You did another spell, didn't you?" She said; the anger clear in her voice.

"I… well it didn't work anyway."

"I can't believe you Willow, you couldn't even go twelve hours without doing a spell and it was another memory one, for me again or Buffy?" Tara face was hurt and tears were starting to form in her eyes.

"Tara -"

"I don't even want to hear it!" And with that she walked out of the house betrayed, upset and deeply concerned about what Willow was turning into.

* * *

Xander was sitting relaxing with a beer in his flat while Anya re-organised the kitchen for the hundredth time.

"An' what do you think that was between Buffy and Spike in the Magic Box today?" Xander said hesitantly, trying to throw the question casually into the conversation.

"What was what?" Anya replied, puzzled.

"When Spike went to her, they looked all…close."

"Well of course they were close they had their arms around each other."

"Yeah, but I don't get it, Buffy doesn't like Spike."

"Well she obviously likes him now, haven't you noticed how they've been spending more time together."

"Well yeah, but I thought that was just patrolling and stuff…it was kinda a bit of a shock to see them like that…and…"

"Xander… what are you really getting at here?"

Xander sighed trying to find the right words to voice what he was really feeling "I'm just worried, she got into one relationship with a vampire before and that really didn't end well for any of us, I don't want to see her get hurt."

"You think Buffy and Spike are in a relationship?"

"No, No, I mean… I hope not."

"I don't think Spike would ever hurt her."

"Well I've never trusted him, so it wouldn't surprise me if he did."

* * *

Buffy hadn't known what to do with herself all day, she felt like everyone had abandoned her, Giles, Spike. She didn't go to see Giles off at the airport, it was just too painful and she wanted him to feel as though he was doing the wrong thing, which he was! So she had just been avoiding everyone all day long. She finally ended up at the Bronze; where she hoped no one would find her, and sat down to listen to the girl playing on stage, _great! The perfect heart-breaking music for the soundtrack of my life. _She stared at nothing in particular, caught up in a trance with the music and her pain. She didn't want to feel like this, why couldn't she stop feeling like this? And the worst thing was that the only person who could make her feel better was Spike, as this thought ran through her mind she suddenly felt his presence by her side, she turned her head slightly to look at him, he had the most beautiful apologetic look on his face that she had ever seen and a shiver ran through her entire body triggered by realisation of how much he loved her, but she didn't have the energy to talk to him or do anything for that matter, her whole body felt drained from depression and she didn't even know what she would say to him if she had the strength, so she just turned her head back, hoping he would just give her some time.

He couldn't believe it, she was just dismissing him; well he wouldn't stand for that. So Spike turned around and walked away from her, toward the bar so that he could as least get drunk while he was here.

She stayed immobile for a moment, still expecting he would come back and try and talk to her, when he didn't she panicked, suddenly she felt even more pain wash over her and she realised how much wanted him, how she just wanted him to put his arms around her again. She frantically looked about for him hoping he hadn't left yet, she got up and started walking quickly toward the exit of Bronze, but then she caught a glimpse of him under the stairs and ran, pushing past people to catch him. His back was to her and she grabbed his arm to get his attention.

"Spike…" she didn't know what else to say and he was looking at her expecting something, his eyes were so beautiful, so expressive, she could drown in those eyes. She ran her fingers down the side of his face, pausing to brush her thumb over his lips, trying to convey everything she was feeling with these movements. Spike put his hand on her lower back, pulling her toward him until they were so close that they were breathing each others breath. The music was playing around them and people were talking, but all she could see was him, all she could feel was him. She encircled her arms round the back of his neck and pulled his mouth to hers for the most amazing, searing, tender and intense kiss she had ever had, it was even better than the other night, his mouth felt so soft and gentle but at the same time his tongue was passionate and forceful. His arms surrounded her and they were both holding each other like their lives depended on it. She moaned deep into the kiss, and then they finally broke apart so that at least one of them could catch their breath. They rested their foreheads against each other, not wanting to break contact and looked deep into each others eyes. Buffy's heart was beating so fast, she was sure Spike could hear it; he pulled her into another kiss brushing his hand through her hair and causing a shiver to run through her entire body. When they broke apart again she was weak at the knees, _he made me go weak at the knees, oh my god this can't be good. _

"You want to get out of here?" he murmured

"Huh?" she couldn't even form coherent thoughts at that moment; she was too wrapped up in him. "Uh… yeah." She finally breathed out.

He looked at her, making sure she had understood what he just said seeing as she wasn't making a move toward the door.

"Yes, I do." She said more forcefully, and with that they both turned to the way out and Spike reached down and took hold of Buffy's hand to lead her outside.

Buffy felt like a teenager again, holding hands with a boy and just fooling around without a care in the world. They stepped out into the clear night air and she tightened her grip on Spike's hand.

"So, what do you want to do?" he said turning to her.

"I don't know" she said with puzzled smile on her face. "…and I don't think I care." She felt so light-headed, she had almost forgotten all her problems and she really didn't care what they did now as long as it didn't require any serious thought.

"O.k. then… well I've got an idea." He said as he gave her a sly smirk.

TBC…

Authors note: Hope you all enjoyed, just to let you know reviews make me happy, and when I'm happy I write! Hint hint!!!


	5. Complications

**Chapter 5 – Complications **

On the car journey Buffy had been practically silent all the way, she hadn't know what to say apart from asking where they were going to which Spike just replied it's a surprise. She couldn't actually believe she had agreed to get in his car, but they she'd done a lot of things she couldn't believe, like kissing Spike twice! She should just really stop thinking before she remembers that this thing with Spike is wrong and cannot happen. Apart from those have been her main thoughts since the drive began and she hadn't done anything to stop him or tell him no, because deep down she never wanted this night to end.

The radio was on low and she could hear the faint music softly wash over her as she stared out the window with her head pressed to the glass enjoying the cool chill which it sent down her spine. She was trying to work out where they were going, but so far all she knew was that they were somewhere on the outskirts of Sunnydale, it was too dark to really see anything. The car suddenly stopped and Spike got out walking round the other side to open the door for Buffy. _He's such a gentleman when he wants to be she thought_.

"O.k. we're here!"

"Yes, but where is exactly here."

"Follow me." Spike grabbed her hand and led her around a corner into an open clearing where she saw a fairground that was all closed up for the night. It had a tall fence surrounding its perimeter but she could see inside and noticed all the rides that reminded her of her childhood, there was a Ferris wheel, whizzing waltzer and a ghost house. Spike walked up to the fence taking a look around.

"What do you think?" he said looking at her.

"I think this is called breaking and entering." Buffy replied with a smile.

"No bloody way, it's on public land, therefore it can't be." Spike said grinning back at her.

He pulled the fence apart and climbed through, holding it as Buffy followed him.

"So, what do you want to go on first, luv?"

"Um… how about the ghost house?"

"Ohh…. you want to be scared do you?" he said grabbing her round the waist and pulling her to him until they were pressed against each other front to front. She looked up into his eyes and almost drowned, they were a beautiful deep blue colour in the dark night and he was looking at her so intensely, like he was trying to read her mind. Reality suddenly came rushing back to her and she remembered that this was stupid and could never really happen, but then he bent down and kissed her, she parted her lips letting his tongue into her mouth. He massaged her tongue with his and she moaned into his mouth forgetting her last thoughts.

* * *

Dawn and Tara were sitting at the Espresso Pump together, after Dawn had found Tara walking round town.

"You're moving out?" Dawn said shocked.

"I'm sorry, I have to Dawnie." Tara's concern was evident in her voice.

"But… why? You and Willow are so good together."

"Things have been getting bad lately and I just can't be with her anymore."

"Why does everyone still insist on treating me like a child, tell me what's going on!"

"I don't mean to treat you like a child, it's just I don't want to bring you into this, it's not your problem."

"But I _want_ to know, you and Willow are my friends, you've practically been my parents the last few months and I need to know what's happening otherwise it's like my parents divorce all over again."

"O.k. I understand… Willow's been abusing her magic, you know those arguments we had before, that was about her magic and then she used a spell on me so I forgot that we ever had an argument, I told her if she went without magic for a day we could try and work it out but she did another spell almost immediately and now I just don't think it's going to work between us."

"Oh my god, I can't believe Willow would do a spell on you like that."

"Please Dawn don't confront her about this, don't even tell her what you know, I'm really worried about her."

"You don't think she'd hurt anyone do you?"

"She already has" Tara sighed feeling the depression wash over her. "She just hasn't been the same person since she brought Buffy back, she's using her magic so recklessly. Dawn, I need you to keep an eye on her now that I'm not going to be there, make sure she doesn't do anything stupid and tell Buffy about it if you think she's doing anything wrong."

"No problem… we're still going to see each other aren't we?" Dawn asked with uncertainty.

"Of course we are Dawn, I'm always going to be here for you."

* * *

Buffy and Spike had made their way to the Ghost house and were sitting in one of the train cars. Spike didn't know what to do next and when Buffy might hit him in the face and run away again. So they were just sitting, making small talk about what demons Buffy had killed recently.

"Oh! Last week there was this really big one, with slim all over his head… it was really gross!"

Spike decided to make a big leap and put his arm around her, trying to make it very subtle in the first date kind of way, but as soon as his hand touched Buffy's shoulder she noticed and paused in the middle of her sentence.

Buffy felt his hand on her and sparks ran through her, they had never touched each other like this before, it was so intimate not like the lusty kisses they'd shared before. She didn't know if she wanted to get close to him like this, but it felt so nice to have someone there to lean on, to hold her. She moved into his touch until they were pressed closely together, side by side. She could tell Spike was surprised by the look on his face.

"So, why did you decide to bring me here?" she said looking up into his eyes.

"Well, I heard this fair was in town for couple of weeks and it's not like I can come during the day, but I thought it would be nice to do something childish and uncomplicated."

"This is nice…" Buffy decided she was going to be bold and actually say what she felt for once. "When I'm with you everything's better somehow, I actually feel alive and in a good way… I don't know why or how this happened… but…" she paused, not wanting to voice anymore of her thoughts; they were starting to scare her.

"Buffy…do you want this to be something more?" Spike said hesitantly, desperately desiring to know the answer but at the same time never wanting a reply.

Authors note: Sorry to leave it on a cliff hanger!! But I'll try and get the next chapter out as soon as possible! Hope everyone enjoyed!


	6. Mistakes

**_Authors note_**: whoever left me an anonymous review about vampires not breathing, concerning a line in chapter four, you might want to get on to Joss as well seeing as in the show Spike and Angel seem to pant sometimes and do other things that resemble breathing! Of course I know vampires don't _have_ to breathe, seeing as they don't need oxygen to live but my take on it is they still automatically take air into their lungs and breathe it out again because it an automated process left over from their human days. Sorry everyone that's the end of my rant. Hope everyone enjoys this chapter. I do appreciate all your feedback and comments. Thank you to the lovely person who was offering me chocolate and coffee! This one's for you!

**Chapter 6 – Mistakes**

Spike waited as Buffy looked pensive and avoided to make eye contact with him.

"I really don't know Spike, I mean when I think about it logically we don't work, we will never work, you're a soulless vampire –"

"I thought we'd got past all that." Spike said biting back his anger as she brought up the subject of him not having a soul again.

"You're still undead! And if anything ever happened between us no one would understand…" then she said quietly almost to herself. "I can't imagine what they'd think of me."

"Right! Here we go again, you know I'm sensing a pattern with our conversations all of a sudden, just say it! You don't want to be with me because your friends wouldn't like it!"

Spike had gotten up now and was pacing out of the ride, Buffy followed him out into the cold chill of the night air.

"That's not it! I just don't see how we could have anything normal and healthy."

"We're not normal people Buffy and by healthy you just mean safe and to me safe is boring, don't you want the excitement, the passion?"

"You can get excitement and passion from a one-night stand Spike!"

"And that's all I am, a one-night stand?"

"No, that's not what I meant, you're confusing me!"

"O.k. I'll make it simple. What do you want, right now?"

"I want to stop arguing!" Buffy practically screamed.

"Oh, so that we can kiss again and then you can pretend it didn't happen the next day!"

"I told you I was sorry about that before!"

"Yeah, you also told me we should just be friends and then you turn around a second later and kiss me again." Spike decided to try and stop their never ending banter and be more sincere. "I just wish you would give me a straight answer for once Buffy, or at least tell me anything truthful about what you're feeling."

"Look Spike, this is all really hard for me, for pass few months I've just been feeling dead inside and you've been the only person I can talk to and then when we kissed I… I…." Spike stayed silent waiting for Buffy to find the right words and finish. "This is all so easy for you! You _know_ how you feel about me, I just…" Buffy sighed. She couldn't keep going through this, she really needed to sort her head out and with Spike expecting something from her she just couldn't, she knew she wanted him, in the thrown me down on a bed and have your wicked way with me wanted him though, and wasn't that wrong to want someone like Spike so badly in that way? Her mind was racing through so many different thoughts. "I don't think I can do this."

"Fine." Spike wasn't looking at her, he had his head facing the ground, when he looked up again Buffy noticed he seemed to have a new kind of resolve on his face, he looked at lot different and it scared her. "Let's not ever do this again, I'm tired of it. You know, I thought I would always follow you Slayer, till the end of the world, but I think I should just let it go." He spoke with no emotion and Buffy thought she could feel her heart breaking, _why was this so painful?_ He started to walk toward the car and then turned around back to her.

"Do you want a lift back to your place?" Buffy was numb, still taking in what he had said before.

"Err… No, I'm fine, I'll walk back." She needed to clear her head anyway.

"Alright, bye." And he was gone.

* * *

By the time Buffy got home it was late, early in fact, almost 3 a.m. She hoped nobody was worried about her and that Dawn was o.k. She quietly unlocked the front door and went inside. She heard the noise of the TV and looked into the lounge to see Dawn curled up on the sofa, as she walked up to her Dawn opened her eyes.

"Buffy, you're home!" she said in a loud whisper, pleased to see her sister.

"Yeah." Buffy replied softly. "You didn't wait up for me did you?"

"Well, I couldn't really sleep anyway and we were all worried about you after you left the Magic Box, what have you been doing all day?"

_Kissing and arguing with Spike for most of it. _

"Nothing much, just needed some time alone, I'm sorry if I worried you, is everyone o.k.?"

"Yeah, I think so, although after you left this morning, Spike did yell at everyone."

"He yelled?" Buffy asked surprised, a little worried about what he said and slightly pleased.

"Yeah, just about how none of us have been helping you and I'm _really_ sorry Buffy, I don't know why I didn't see that you weren't o.k., I was just so happy to have you back and–" Buffy cut her off as she could she was getting upset.

"Dawn, it's alright, you haven't done anything wrong, o.k.?" Buffy tucked a stray bit Dawn's hair behind her ear. "I love you."

Dawn became more composed and was now smiling. "Well, Spike's outburst did have one good outcome, after he left we all decided we're going to be great friends to each other from now on and make sure we all give each other support when we need it!"

"That sounds good and also very corny." Buffy was surprised that anyone would have actually listened to Spike, let alone possibly taken his advice. "So, are Willow and Tara asleep?" Buffy asked wondering if she was going to have to be very quiet going to bed.

"Um… there's something you should know." Dawn then explained everything to Buffy that Tara had told her.

"Oh my God, I had no idea. Poor Tara."

"I know, Willow's a mess too, hence a great time to test our friendship plan!" Dawn said with as much optimism as she could.

"I might go see if Will's o.k."

"Yeah, if she's awake she liked to know you're back, she was looking for you everywhere earlier."

"O.k. Goodnight Dawn." Buffy made her way up the stairs and then stopped in front of Willow's and Tara's room. She pushed the door slightly ajar so that she could look inside to see if Willow was asleep. Willow was sitting up in bed and had her side lamp on, she was staring straight forward like she was in some kind of trance. Buffy pushed the door a little more open and said Willow's name to get her attention. Willow turned to look at her and Buffy could see she had been crying.

"Oh Buffy, you're home, when did you get in?" Willow said trying to put on a front and sound like her normal chirpy self.

"Not long ago." Buffy said walking over to the bed and sitting down next to Willow. "Dawn told me about Tara, I'm so sorry, can I do anything to make it better?"

"No, I messed it up, no one can do anything apart from me, but thanks." Tears started to form in her eyes, but she tried to hold them back. Buffy pulled her into her arms to hug her.

"Don't worry Will, I know things are going to start looking up soon." She said with as much conviction as possible.

"How do you know?" Willow mumbled. Buffy pulled back from her to look her in the eye.

"Because they have to."

* * *

Spike was pacing his crypt, shouting at himself.

"What the hell were you thinking you idiot! Did you see the look on her face! And now she'll never talk to you again and probably hates you! I can't believe I even did that." He slumped down in his armchair. She just makes me so angry he thought as he clenched his fists. "And now I'll end up bloody apologising to her cause that's what I always do!" he paused thinking about it. "Well, actually I've never really apologised to her, not for a while anyway. She's got me wrapped around her little finger anyway, even if she doesn't know it." The problem was, as he sat and contemplated this, _I love her_, and I'll never stop loving her even if she shoved a stake in my heart, I'd die loving her.

So now he just had to think of a way to fix things.

* * *

The next evening Buffy was sitting on the sofa at home, flicking through various channels on the television and trying not to think about Spike, which was hard seeing as every channel she flicked onto seemed to have something to remind her about him. Dawn then came running down the stairs excited.

"Hey Buffy, we're all going to the Bronze wanna come?"

"Who's 'we'?"

"You know… me, Willow, Xander and Anya. Willow's still kinda a wreck so we thought we would go out and cheer her up! So, are you going to come?"

"I don't know Dawn, I'm kind of tired." _Yeah tired from moping around all day. _

"Ahh… come on Buffy, I really want you to come." Dawn said trying to convince her sister.

"I'm sorry Dawn I just don't feel like it right now."

Just then the doorbell rang, saving Buffy from Dawn's pleas.

"That's probably Xander to pick us up, he's going to be really disappointed you're not coming." Dawn said going to answer to door.

"Hey guys!" Xander said stepping inside with Anya close behind him. "What's up?"

"Buffy's not coming."

"What! Come on Buffster you gotta come, I won't be the same without you there, we wanted to have the whole gang together again." Xander had been set on Buffy coming, it was all part of their plan to help Buffy through whatever pain she was feeling and get back to normal.

"Please come Buffy, please, please, please-" Dawn whined

"O.k. o.k. God, you two should be professional persuaders!"

"Yes!" Dawn exclaimed with delight.

"Just give a minute to get ready." Buffy said running up the stairs.

* * *

The Bronze was about half full and they found a table easily, Xander was right, it was actually nice to have the whole gang together again, shame about Tara though, still with there only being one couple Buffy did feel less left out and Dawn and her were actually starting to bond again, she should really start taking Dawn out with her more, she wasn't as annoying as she used to be! The only thing that would make this evening better is if she could stop thinking about Spike. She hated the way things had ended last night because even before the kissing she was actually starting to really like Spike, and now she didn't know if he'd ever talk to her again and if anything could be salvaged from the relationship they had. _Did she just say relationship? Dear god, this was getting bad! _O.k. she thought, trying to consider things more honestly, what if this is some kind of relationship, is that a bad thing or would you actually like to have a relationship with Spike? The answer that popped into her head shocked her! And then she missed him even more.

They all continue chatting about films, music, what guys and girls they thought were cute, Xander's up and coming job in construction and Buffy tried to put Spike to the back of her mind but then Dawn had to bring up him as a subject and Buffy reconsidered her thoughts about her not being annoying.

"So… Buffy, I know yesterday at the Magic Box wasn't fun for any of us, but you and Spike looked pretty close, anything you wanna tell us?" Dawn said in a teasing way.

"What?" Buffy asked taken aback. Of course she knew they had all seen them yesterday, but she didn't expect to get any questions about it, before everyone just ignored what happened between her and Spike. She guessed they were taking this great friendship idea really seriously, which was good apart form she was going to have to start telling the truth for it to work both ways. Before Dawn could jump in again to press her for more information, Buffy heard a familiar voice.

"Can I have this dance?"

TBC…

Authors note: I'll try and get the next chapter out as fast as possible but I've got a lot of work on right now and some mock exams, so be patient.


	7. Magic

**Authors note**: Thank you very much to abar, for backing up my statement about the breathing and making some very good points of their own. Sorry if there's been a bit of a delay getting this chapter out, I'm really busy right now! The song used in this chapter is called 'When I'm thinking about you' by The Sundays, it's a great tune and when I listen to it I can't help but think how much of a perfect spuffy song it is! If anyone has Kazaa you can download it from me there but The Sundays have really great chill out music so I suggest you just buy their album 'Static and Silence'! Song lyrics in _italics_! 

**Chapter 7 - Magic**

"Can I have this dance?"

Buffy looked up to see Spike standing by her, staring deep into her eyes with a sincere and apologetic look on his face. He didn't have his coat on and was just standing their in his black jeans and a dark purple shirt, he was beautiful. She didn't care what anyone thought anymore, in that moment she just knew she wanted to be with him. She heard a soft and slow song start to play.  

_Over the rooftops a plane in the sky_

_Beat of a bass drum cars passing me by_

_Under a bridge dark then back into light_

_A river of raincoats and a forest of faces_

All of this took place in a split second from Spike asking her to dance and her answer came out almost immediately after she had looked into his eyes. 

"Yes." She breathed clearly never taking her gaze off him. Spike reached down and held his hand out for her to take, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as she moved her hand into his. As soon as he touched her she felt warmth inside her even though his hand was cold. He led her out to the dance floor, while her friends looked on in silence. There were about four other couples dancing and they moved into the centre, where there was plenty of space around them.    

_Still for moment then red into green_

_Slow shuffling shoes whisper sight unseen_

_Row upon row of houses return an empty stare_

_Let the daydream for little while longer_

Spike put his arms around her and held her close to him with his hands on the small of her back. Buffy rested her arms on his shoulders and looked intensely at him. Everything she felt she wanted to convey to him through a look, so that he understood how much he meant to her. They danced in silence for a few seconds neither of them wanting to break the magic that seemed to flow between them. Then Buffy said softly, not breaking eye contact with him. "Thanks for saying what I never could." 

"What was that luv?" 

"In the Magic Box yesterday to my friends, Dawn told me." 

"Oh, that was…" Spike faltered surprised she was thanking him, even more surprised they were actually dancing together with her friends just a few feet away and none of them even saying anything, it was all like some kind of dream. "It was nothing." He replied. 

_Hope I'll never wake_

_When I'm thinking about you_

_Hope I'll never wake_

_Cos__ now I'm thinking about you_

Spike finally decided he would say what he had wanted to say since he saw that hurt expression on her face from yesterday. "I'm sorry about last night, I just got angry and…" he sighed composing himself and ran a hand down her cheek causing her eyes to flutter shut for a second. "I will always follow you, till the end of the world." 

"I know." 

_Two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain_

_Sing me a rainbow it's sunny again_

_Swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below_

_Could I keep dreaming for little while longer_

They both leaned forward at the same time, closing their eyes simultaneously as their lips touched, Buffy melted into the kiss resting her entire body weight on Spike. She parted her lips slightly, letting his tongue into her mouth to play with hers. The kiss was a lot softer than others they had shared, it was slow and deliberate, both of them taking their time to enjoy the feel of each other. Buffy began to feel light-headed, so wrapped up in Spike and the kiss she had forgotten to breathe through her nose and pulled back to catch her breath. They both continued to stare at each other, caught up in a trace, oblivious of the world around them. 

_Hope I'll never wake_

_When I'm thinking about you_

_So that you know – I hope I never wake_

_Cos__ now I'm thinking about you_

"O.k. there's defiantly something going on there." Xander said as he tried to process the kiss he had just witnessed. 

"Yep!" Dawn said smiling, happy her sister had finally found someone. 

"Well, I don't know why you're all surprised, this was all very obvious to me." Anya stated. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Xander questioned. 

"What are talking about? We had a conversation about it yesterday, I thought you knew what was going on." Anya said getting slightly annoyed that Xander seemed to have already forgotten what he had said himself yesterday. 

"O.k. o.k. I know… it's just I didn't realise they were kissing and stuff, I was just hoping they were friends." Xander said with false hope. 

"Honey, you need to come out of denial land." Anya said leaning over to just him a reassuring pat on the back. 

"Well, I had my suspicions from yesterday, I'm just glad Buffy's being open with it!" Dawn said. 

"Guys, I had no idea!" Willow spoke up, confusion written all over her face. 

"Well Will, you've had other things on your mind." Xander said trying to comfort his friend. 

"I guess… it's just isn't this still really out of the blue for everyone?" Willow said trying to get some reassurance that she really wasn't completely out of the loop. 

"Well, it has crept up a little fast. Buffy hasn't really been sharing much with us since she's been back…but hopefully things will change now." Dawn said confidently. They all turned back to the dance floor where Buffy and Spike were looking like the perfect couple in love, holding each close and swaying to the music.

_When you're searching your soul_

_When you're searching for pleasure_

_How often pain is all you find_

_But when you're coasting along and nobody's trying too hard_

_You can turn around and like where you are_

The piano and the soft beat of the drum lulled Buffy and she wrapped her entire body around him, with her head on his shoulder and her arms draped around his back. This moment was perfect and she never wanted to let it go, so she held onto him just a little bit tighter. 

_I hope I never wake_

_When I'm thinking about you_

_And I close my eyes_

_Now I'll never never wake_

_Why should I stop thinking about you_

The song faded into the background as it ended and Buffy and Spike stayed in each others embrace, both hardly moving and unaware that a new song with a faster beat had started. Spike finally pulled back from Buffy to look into her eyes. He brushed back some hair from her face as he spoke.

"The song's over luv."  He said very quietly. 

"Yeah…I just didn't want you to stop holding me."  Buffy replied faintly. Spike smiled amazed she was finally being truthful with him, even if it was some small passing comment; it meant more to both of them then either emitted. 

"So, shall we face the firing squad?" Spike said indicating the Scooby gang. 

"I guess so." Buffy said reluctantly. And they both turned to walk back over to where her friends were sitting. As they approached Buffy started to get very nervous, she knew they had all just seen them together anyway and she was trying to make herself not care what they thought as well but she still couldn't stop herself feeling anxious. Spike seemed to sense her uneasiness and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

"Hey guys, um… Spike's going to walk me home if that's o.k.?" 

"Yep!" they all said in unison causing Spike to repress a chuckle. 

"Alright… Dawn, I'll see you at home, not too late!" Buffy said trying to be stern and stop from grinning as Spike brushed his hand over her bum. 

"Yes, of course, now you two go have fun!" Dawn said smiling. 

"Thanks." Buffy said whole-heartedly, trying to express to her friends what they were doing by not questioning any of this meant to her. "Bye." And with that, what Buffy thought was going to be one of the hardest things she would have to do was over, although she hardly thought that was going to be the definite end of it. She knew that the next day when she was on her own the questions would come from all of them, but at least now they knew and none of them had thrown anything! She and Spike made their way to the exit, with Spike's arm around her waist providing a soothing touch. For once things were starting to go right, and she was beginning to feel like she was living in the world again, in the back of her mind she hoped this wasn't some kind of spell because the whole evening had been magical and it wasn't even over yet! 

TBC… 


	8. Truth

Authors note: Sorry, sorry, sorry, it's been a while, got loads of work on and I had a writers block in the middle of this chapter! It's going to be very slow with updates now, don't think I'll finish this story before my exams, so once the 29th June has passed, you'll be getting loads cause I'll have left school, never to return again! Yay! Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed, keep up the good work!

**Chapter 8 – Truth**

Buffy and Spike had been walking for a couple of minutes, neither of them had said much, the serenity of the evening not calling for words. They were nearing the graveyard where Spike's crypt was situated when he spoke up.

"So, what changed your mind?" he asked trying to sound casual.

"What do you mean?" Buffy said knowing exactly what he was talking about, seeing as it was a talk they were going to have to have eventually.

"You didn't think we could have a relationship last night, but just now we had the most romantic dance in history _and_ you practically told your friends about us too, so what changed in the last twenty four hours?" Spike said hesitantly, hoping something had actually changed and the amazing revelation in the Bronze hadn't just been his imagination. They both stopped walking and Buffy turned to face him.

"I was… confused before and I needed to sort my head out." Buffy said as she closed the distance between them putting her arms around his waist, as he moved to stroke her arms. "When I'm not with you, I don't feel as alive… and as happy… as when I'm with you. And… I believe we can actually make this work… because …I… I think I'm falling in love with you." Buffy's voice was hardly more than whisper, but Spike heard her perfectly clearly because for one thing her face was mere inches from his and of course his hearing was very acute. Even so Spike still couldn't believe what he was hearing, he had dreamt of this for what seemed like forever, he felt like everything had stopped and he was in some kind of daze but then he heard more talking bring him back to his senses as he realised Buffy had continued speaking, probably because he had been silent for while.

"Before when we were first kissing, it was about the lust and the need to feel something… but now when we talk… and when we talked before the kissing and when you hold me, like when we were dancing and on the ghost train and just the idea you had of taking me to a fair was-"

"Buffy." Spike interrupted as she began to ramble. "You didn't even need to answer my question," He said sighing.  "You had me as soon as you took my hand to dance." He smiled reassuring her that he didn't need anything from her, just to have her standing by him now was a blessing and he wasn't going to forget it or push her away again by thinking he could just fall out of love with her. They were still in each others arms, enjoying the peace that had settled between them when Spike broke soppy moment.

"So, what do you want to do now?" he said smirking at her and moving his hands down to her thighs, making it clear of what he had in mind. He pressed himself even closer to her grinding his crotch against hers and watched her eyes close with pleasure. He ran his hand over the bottom of the short black skirt she was wearing and grazed her skin. Buffy moved her hands up to his neck to pull him to her crushing his lips into hers with a desperate force. They continued kissing passionately while both of them moved their hands around the other latching onto flesh and clothing frantically. Buffy moaned into the kiss and Spike, with his arms around her, pulled her forward trying to get even closer, although they were pressed so tightly together that there wasn't even air between them and as he tugged at her she fell onto him pushing his backwards so that he collapsed on to the ground with Buffy on top of him. She broke the kiss and looked at him, giggling at the comical situation, Spike chuckled lightly too. "It's nice to see you laugh again." He said.

"It's all because of you."

"Well yeah, cause I pulled you to the ground." He said jokingly

"Spike, I'm serious." She said playfully swatting him on the shoulder. Buffy now sat up, straddling him, giving Spike a lot of ideas, which Buffy instantly felt.

"So am I." He put his hands on her hips gently kneading them. Buffy leant her head back enjoying the feel of his hands on her as they ran up the sides of her waist. He then broke the contact causing Buffy to open her eyes which had fluttered shut.  She looked at him questionably.

"I know what I said before, but…" Spike hesitated.

"Go on." Buffy reassured him by brushing a hand across his cheek. There was a short silence and then Spike said huskily "Say it." At first Buffy was unsure of what she was supposed to say but then it dawned on her as his pleading eyes, with a touch of uncertainty in them stared into hers. 

"I love you." She had said it. _I've said it! _For the first time out loud, she had properly said those three words, rather than just mumbling I think I'm falling in love you so quietly he probably didn't even hear it! And it felt so good to say it, she had been so confused for the past few days, she had convinced herself that her and Spike would just be friends, friends were good, you could never have too many friends, but she had been pushing away the feelings that said she wanted something more from him and then when he put his arms around her to dance she felt something that she never thought she would feel again for guy, especially Spike, _love_. And then when she tried to think of all the reason they shouldn't be together and all the things she had hated about him, none of the reasons seemed very important and the things that she should have hated were just more things she had learnt to love, like his pet names which she constantly told him to stop calling her and his smoking, which she'd never love but it was part of who he was. There were more endless eccentricities of his that came to her mind but all that mattered now was that she knew what she felt finally and she didn't have to lie to anyone about it anymore, although she suddenly thought that Giles wasn't going to be very happy when he found out. As soon as she spoke the three words that Spike had longed to hear for what seemed like his whole life, he leant up to her, so that he was sitting up, with Buffy still sitting on top of him and supported his weight with one hand on the ground. His moved his other hand to her face, brushing some hair back away from her eyes and then touched her cheek gently, mirroring her action from just a few seconds ago.

"I love you too." Their foreheads touched and then their lips met again in a slow and soft kiss, Buffy ran her hands all over his back finally settling at the nape of his neck and playing with the soft hairs situated there. They both started to become more desperate again and the kiss turned into a very steamy scene.

"Shall we take this somewhere else, my place maybe?" Spike said raggedly between kisses. Buffy broke the kiss completely and looked at him regretfully.

"Sorry, I can't, I'm going to have to get home soon for Dawn." Spike tried to hide his disappointment.

"She'll be o.k. Willow will be with her." He said as he started to kiss her neck, trying to convince her to stay with him. Buffy pulled away, which was very hard for her to do because it felt extremely good what Spike was doing to her, she lifted herself out of his embrace and stood up.

"I'm really sorry, but I don't want to be out all night, they'll get worried about me." Buffy was very sincere, she didn't want the night to end either but if she went with Spike now she wouldn't get home till tomorrow morning. Spike stood up as well, facing her and trying not to get too angry about this because he knew she was right and now that she'd just confessed her love for him this was a bad time to get into a fight.

"Alright, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." He said with as much cheerfulness as he could muster.

"Yeah, you definitely will." Buffy leant up to him, giving a chaste kiss on the lips, she pulled back, looking him straight in the eye and said "I hope you don't mind waiting." They both knew exactly what she was talking about and Spike nodded.

"I would wait forever if that's what you wanted." He replied. Buffy gave him a slight smile. "You won't have to wait forever, I can promise you that."

"Goodnight Spike." And with that Buffy turned and slowly walked away with Spike watching her until she disappeared from his view.

_Goodnight Buffy. _


	9. Love

**Author's note: **Yes, yes, yes I know it's been a very very long time since I updated but I was doing some extremely important exams which decide my future, so for the last month or so I've only been revising and haven't had time for anything else. Also I have had a major writer's block and it had been taking me an hour to write a couple of sentences. Anyway I don't even know if anyone is reading this story anymore, but if you are please review so that I know if this is still in demand and if you're still enjoying it, personally I think I'm going a bit down hill and need some encouragement. Thank you for taking the time to read this and to everyone who had left me reviews so far, you are all stars!

**Chapter 9 – Love**

The next morning Buffy came bounding down the stairs, ready for a new day, she felt _alive! _And couldn't wait for tonight when she would get to see Spike. She walked into the living room and almost fell down of shock when she saw who was sitting on the sofa next to Willow.

"Amy?" __

"Oh, hey Buffy, how have you been?" Amy replied.

"Um, good thanks, you?"

"I've been a rat for three years so I'm still kinda adjusting." She said looking quite perplexed as she turned back to Willow, "So the whole school was destroyed when this giant snake thing tried to kill everyone?"

"Yep."

"O.k." Amy said slowly trying to get her head around everything that had happened.

"Well, it's great that you're _you_ again!" Buffy said smiling.

"Thanks."

Buffy turned walking out to the kitchen to get breakfast, she was soon joined by Willow who obviously wanted to talk about Spike but didn't know how to, so they both fetched food in an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds until Willow decided to take a leap. She stepped in front of Buffy stopping her from what she was doing and tried to sound casual, but confident, not like she was trying to judge.

"Buffy." She said flatly.

"Willow." Buffy said in the same serious way when Willow didn't continue.

"I just wanted to talk about last night and what happened."

"What did happen?" Buffy asked innocently. She was starting to enjoy playing around with her friend, forcing her to face up to what she had to face up to herself just a few hours ago.

"You and Spike."

"What about us?"

"Buffy!" Willow said exasperated.

"O.k. o.k. I'm sorry." She said smiling. "Yes, we're together now, at least I think we are, we haven't really talked about our relationship status. We're both in love with each other though."

"Wow." Willow said sighing. "I mean I'm really happy for you, cause you look really happy! But this was all like a really big shock for me, I had no idea that you even liked Spike! I just don't know how this happened."

"Well…" Buffy started saying uncertainly, not sure how to put into words what had happened between her and Spike, it was hard to explain to your best friend how you'd suddenly fallen in love with anyone, let alone someone you used to hate. "Since I've been back, he's been the only person I could talk too and I don't even know how it happened myself, I never thought I'd fall for another vampire, especially Spike, but it happened and I am really happy."

"This is nice."

"What?" Buffy said.

"Us, talking again, like we used."

"Yeah, it is." Buffy paused. "I want you to know you can tell me anything Will, anytime, I'll always be here for you, I know you must be going through a lot with Tara gone."

"Thanks, I'm really lost without her." Their moment was suddenly interrupted with Amy calling from the lounge.

"Hey guys, you gotta come see this!"

Willow and Buffy both went back to where Amy was sitting, "Look!" she said pointing to the TV, "Some guy has been frozen, things are getting weirder and weirder, please tell me this doesn't happen all the time!"

* * *

Buffy went to the museum where the frozen security guard had been found, but he had already been taken away the night before and there wasn't much information she could get from the single police officer who was still patrolling the area. So since she had nothing else to do she started to make her way to Spike's crypt, she'd been dying to see him since the moment she walked away from him last night and she'd hardly got any sleep, well she had got some but it was just filled with highly x-rated material of her and Spike and had therefore made her want to see him even more.

She finally got to his crypt door and slowly pushed it open, trying to be quiet so that she could surprise him. Looking around she couldn't see him so she made her way down to the lower level of his crypt where his nice big bed was, which she'd remembered seeing at some occasion previously. She climbed down the ladder as silently as she could and then having stepped to the floor turned around to be face to face with Spike, his nose almost touching hers. Buffy gasped in surprise.

"How did you know I was here?" she breathed.

"I could smell you." He said as he leaned forward and took in the scent of her hair. Buffy then realised that he was standing there in just his jeans, his perfect bare chest exposed, and looked very sexy, _well he always looked sexy, damn him!_ She suddenly seemed frozen, like he had her in some kind of trance and she just didn't have the will power to get out of it. That's how it always felt with him; his piecing blue eyes transfixed her, she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame and what's more she loved it. His hold over her was exciting, adrenaline pumped through her blood and she could feel her heart beat quicken in pace.

Taking opportunity of Buffy's stillness, Spike moved his hands to her shoulders, pushed her jacket off them and gently slid it down her arms until it landed on the floor with a soft thud. She now stood there in a simple camisole and jeans. Spike brushed one hand down her bare arm, caressing every inch with his fingertips. The he leant down kissing her shoulder then moving slowly along her collarbone and up her neck, Buffy moved her head to one side giving him better access, moaning as his lips trailed over the very sensitive place where the neck meets the collarbone and you can feel a pulse. Brought out of her trance slightly, Buffy found her arms shifting; she placed them lightly on Spike's lower back, just touching him like this was amazing, his cool skin felt smooth and flawless under her caress. Soon she had to hold on to him tighter, digging her nails into his back as he moved up her jaw kissing every inch and then found her mouth and pulled her into a passionate kiss. Buffy's knees felt weak as they kissed and Spike's hands roamed around her body finally settling on her hips after they'd brushed past her arse.

It seemed like the world was spinning, Spike's hands on her felt incredible, they were cool and supple and touched her in all the right places then suddenly the world tipped upside down and she found herself flat on her back with Spike's soft bed beneath her and a hard Spike above her. She ran her hands over his chest which was made up of perfect planes, like they had been chiselled out of marble and then buffed so that they were amazingly smooth. Then she reached up bringing her arms to rest round Spike's neck and pulled him in for another mind-blowing kiss. One of Spike's hands was tangled in her hair while the other one was fumbling with her jeans. Suddenly Buffy realised what they were about to do and a fear flooded over her, it almost felt like this was her first time again and she might wake up afterwards and he would be gone, leaving her in a terrible nightmare which she would never recover from.

"mmm…Spike wait.." Buffy said in between kisses pulling away from him.

Spike stopped and also pulled back to look at her. "What is it?" He asked concerned. Buffy sat up resting her back against the headboard of the bed and sighed, not knowing how to voice her fears to Spike.

"After we do this… I mean… you are… going to be here when I wake up aren't you?" she said hesitantly. A mixture of emotions ran over Spike's face and through his eyes which Buffy tried to identify. First he looked surprised and taken aback by her question, then slightly angry but also amused like the question was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard; finally there was understanding and love as he slowly leaned forward and pressed a feather light kiss to Buffy's forehead. When he pulled back there was a slight smile tugging at his lips. "I will always be right by your side when you wake up, I'll never leave you Buffy." His voice was thick, deep and honest and it melted Buffy, relaxing and bringing her to a state of calm. She trusted him with her life, but unfortunate past experiences had made her anxious and she just needed some spoken reinforcement from Spike, now only anticipation filled her thoughts, it felt like she had been waiting a very long time for this moment with Spike and now it was finally here. She smiled back at him and leaned forward wrapping her arms around his back and returning kisses to his neck which he had only moments ago gave to her. Spike began to run his hands though her hair again and then moved down her back till he reached her waist, he pulled her tightly to him so that they were pressed firmly together, then went back to her jeans, he removed them quickly pushing then down her legs and she kicked them off along with her shoes. Buffy found his lips again and they joined in a familiar battle of tongues.

It was all one elaborate dance, soon Spike's jeans were gone and he was left naked, the rest of Buffy's clothes disappeared as well with Spike's hands brushing over her body leaving cool invisible trails on her scorching skin. Then he entered her and it was exquisite, he moved into her slowly and their eyes locked, the passion flowing between them. They gradually started to move together, but soon the pace increased, Spike's hands moved down her body and Buffy was calling his name, she held on tightly to him never wanting this moment to end and Spike was pulled over the edge with her.

"Oh god, I love you." He whispered muffled into her ear, trying to regain composure after what was the most amazing sex he'd ever had. Buffy's breathing became loud as she took long steady intakes of oxygen into her lungs; she had just had the best orgasm of her life, at this moment she couldn't even form words or move any part of her body, that was how hard she had climaxed. Spike's head was now resting in the crook of her neck and Buffy felt some energy return to her limbs, she ran her hand through his hair which had become tussled during their escapades and then down his back, caressing him in random patterns. Spike began to stir and rolled himself to the side of Buffy so that he wasn't crushing her causing them both to moan in slight protest as he slipped out of her. They were facing each other now and Buffy smiled shyly at him, Spike wrapped his arms around her and she laid her head on his chest, one hand absently stroking his shoulder as he rubbed her back.

"That was… wow." She said still unable to think or form words.

"Yeah." He agreed, still in a daze of his own.

They were both exhausted, the obvious reason being because of what they had just done and because they had both been awake most of the night thinking about the other. Now they were finally content, peacefulness settled over them, making neither Buffy nor Spike ever want to move. Buffy sighed, snuggling as close as possible to Spike, hearing a murmur of appreciation from him. As she drifted off to sleep with Spike by her side, who already had his eyes closed, his arms around her and her cheek resting on his chest, there was only one word for it.

_Perfect. _

TBC…


	10. Perfect? well

**Author's note**: Sorry again for the big delay between chapters, this it taking forever, you're not the only ones getting annoyed, I'm annoyed with myself! If anyone is actually reading this still, please review! Thank you very much to Amandamanda3 who left me a lovely review, you gave me the motivation to write this chapter, so this is for you! It probably would have been a lot longer wait if not for you, but it would have been shorter though if I had got a few more reviews!

**Chapter 10 – Perfect?….well…**

Buffy slowly became conscious but kept her eyes closed, all of her senses were alert, she felt the soft cotton sheets against her bare skin, she could smell the damp of the crypt mixed with burning candle wax and she could hear nothing apart from the faint thumping of her heart. She repositioned her slightly; snuggling up to the covers and letting her head sink deeper into the pillow letting out a contented sigh as she made herself even more comfortable than she thought possible. This was also an attempt to see if she could tell whether Spike was in bed with her, at the moment she had no idea, it didn't really feel as though someone was lying beside her, she didn't want to reach a hand out and be greeted with an empty space but then she couldn't just lie there not knowing, so very slowly her eyes fluttered open. To her delight they were met with bright blue ones, softly smiling at her.

"Hello luv." He said softly, brushing a stray strand of hair back from her face. Buffy sighed deeply relief washing over her.

"Hmm..hey…how long have we been asleep?" she purred leaning into his hand.

"Only a couple of hours, I think it's about three o'clock, you sleep well?"

"Mmmmm…" Buffy let out another contented sigh. "Extremely well thank you, you?"

"I don't think I've ever slept better in my entire life and unlife." He said as he smiled at her tenderly. She had never really seen him smile this way, it was true smile not a smug smirk which he usually had on his face; she liked it.

Buffy sat up and stretched, easing her muscles, most of which had got a great deal of use a few hours ago and now needed careful attention, it had been a while since she had had such a rigorous workout. She felt Spike's eyes on her as she moved around, she turned to him and found he was watching her intently, his eyes appeared to be asking a silent question, he looked so vulnerable in that moment that it made Buffy want to hold on to him tightly and never let go so that he wouldn't ever get hurt. She moved closer to him so that their foreheads were almost touching and ran a hand down his cheek.

"I'm staying right here." She said slowly and purposefully. Spike looked at her slightly surprised for a moment, he would never have thought his face was that readable, it just went to show how well Buffy was starting to get to know him, he smiled at that revelation and ran a hand from her shoulder down her arm enjoying the feel of her warm skin. Buffy rested her head on his chest and let his arms surround her; Spike couldn't really believe that all this was happening, that so much had changed in a couple of months and now he had the girl of his dreams sitting in his lap, literally. Spike was brought out of his thoughts as he felt Buffy squirming around and let out a groan, they moved so that they were facing again and Spike was leaning over her.

"Anything you want luv?" He asked seductively. Spike was surprised by the answer when it turned to business rather than pleasure.

"I actually came here to tell you about this new demon that likes diamonds and can freeze people." Buffy said cheerfully remembering the information she had yet to relay to him.

"Mmm… sounds… interesting." Spike said in between kisses which he placed up the length of her neck. He was determined to get her mind back to pleasure. Buffy moaned losing her concentration and Spike felt extreme satisfaction run through him that he had caused it.

"Yeah…so the gang are going to be researching it… hmm… tonight and I thought…" Spike stopped the attention he was paying her neck when she trailed off, he looked up at her face to find her eyes closed and a faint smile on her lips.

"Yes?" He asked innocently.

"Uh…What?" She said suddenly, being brought out of her daze.

"You thought?" Spike prompted her.

"Oh… I thought that you could come too and help with the researching."

"You really want me there, with your friends?"

"I want you with me." She said staring into his eyes intently. "And my friends are going to have to deal with this eventually, us being together, so why not right now, plus researching is _really_ boring so I want you there to make things more exciting." She said cheekily, obviously hinting about something far away from the world of researching.

"Oh really?" Spike said as he moved so that he was above her, holding himself up with his arms which were either side of Buffy effectively trapping her below him.

"Yes… really." She said slowly and seductively.

"Well then I'd love to come, what time do we have to be there?"

"Not until six….so…"

"We've got plenty of time to do some other things first." Spike finished her thought as he leant down to kiss her.

They made very good use of the few hours they had, both losing themselves in the other until the sun was setting.

* * *

At just a little later than planned past 6.00 p.m. Buffy and Spike walked into the Magic Box together, their hands lightly brushing against the others'. They had got a bit caught up in each other while trying to get ready to leave but their excuse was of course that Spike couldn't leave his crypt until the sun had set properly.

The gang were all sitting round the large table, Xander and Anya already looked immensely bored, Willow appeared to be in the middle of a little argument with Amy and Dawn was playing with one of the trinkets on the table.

"You said you wanted to go out! This is better than nothing right?" Willow said pleading with Amy to help.

"Fine, but next time we go out_ I'm_ picking the venue." Amy said relenting and picking up a book to look through.

"Hey guys." Buffy said as she approached the group. "Found anything?" She asked hopefully.

"Sorry, nothing yet, but we haven't been looking very long so I'm still optimistic." Willow said with a shy smile on her face as she looked to Buffy and Spike. They joined the others at the table each grabbing a book as they sat down next to one another; Spike cheekily brushed his hand over her thigh under the table causing Buffy to make a slight noise, Dawn looked up amused and Anya looked slightly jealous at the display. Soon everyone settled down to their task again and they quickly realised they were in for a long night.

* * *

After an hour of researching Buffy was extremely bored and went into the training room for a workout so she could regain her focus again, after a couple of minutes the door opened hesitantly to reveal Dawn.

"Hey Buffy, can we talk?" she asked as she approached her sister.

"Of course Dawn, what is it?" They moved over to the sofa where they sat down.

"It's about you and Spike." Before Buffy could say anything Dawn quickly continued. "I mean I'm like really really happy you guys got it together, because you're just perfect together and it's all great… but you haven't talked to me about it and I want us have one of those cool sister talks where you tell me everything that's happened, so spill!" Dawn said excitedly. Buffy let out a little laugh at her enthusiastic sister. The way that she was genuinely happy about her relationship with Spike somehow made her feel like her life was actually normal and she wasn't going out with a vampire at all.

"Dawn there's really not that much to tell." However much Buffy liked Dawn's eager interest there are some things in your relationships you are never going to tell your little sister about.

"Oh come on…just tell me how serious it is." Dawn pleaded.

"Well I think it's pretty serious, I mean we've both said 'I love you' to each other."

"Oh my god, you love each other, that's so cute!" Buffy laughed again at Dawn's typical teenage girl antics and let herself be pulled into a hug by her sister.

"O.k. Dawn, just don't get too excited." Buffy said trying to calm her down.

"Why not?" Dawn asked confused.

"Because were just taking things slowly at the moment."

"But you said it was serious." Dawn said still not grasping Buffy's feelings of uncertainty.

"It is serious, it's just that….we've only just started everything and… I don't want to rush into this… you know my track record with guys." Buffy said sighing.

"Yeah, but you can't base your new relationship with Spike on all your previous ones!"

"I know but I just… I don't want any pressure from you to make this work."

"What?" Dawn asked surprised.

"This has made you so happy, and now I'm just worried that if anything goes wrong, you'll be upset."

"Oh Buffy," Dawn said taken aback by how much her sister thought about her. "I'm only so happy because this is making you happy! You really have to stop thinking about everyone else and think about yourself for once." She said sincerely.

"I didn't think I'd been thinking about you enough, I mean I haven't been a very good sister since I've been back."

"You could say the same about me. I haven't exactly made it easy for you with that whole thing at Halloween and then being kidnapped by that singing demon."

"The musical wasn't your fault." Buffy said firmly.

"Yeah, I know…" Dawn said wondering whether she should tell Buffy how she had been taking things from the magic shop now that they were having such an open conversation, one of the first proper conversations they'd had since Buffy had been brought back to life. She decided against it in the end, it would just ruin the moment.

"How about from now on we are good sisters to each other!" Buffy said trying to lighten the mood again.

"Sounds great to me!" Dawn said hoping it was all going to be as simple as it sounded. They embraced each other in another hug and Buffy looked up over Dawn's shoulder to see Spike standing in the door way. As they made eye contact Spike spoke.

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."

Dawn broke the hug as she heard Spike voice and turned around. "Hey Spike, don't worry about it, we were finished with the corny sister stuff."

"I just came in because this researching is getting hopeless, and I think Xander keeps giving me death stares." He said bluntly.

"I'm sure Xander's not giving you death stares." Buffy said, thinking the idea was ridiculous and then on second thought looking slightly worried.

"And even if he was, you're already dead so it wouldn't matter!" Dawn said joking with Spike.

"Very funny bit." Spike said clearly not amused as they all walked back into the main shop.

"So, we still got nothing?" Buffy said to gang, who all looked very tired and disappointed.

"Nadda, zippo, this demon does not exist!" Xander said frustrated.

"Maybe we should try phoning Giles, he should be able to find something right?" Anya suggested just wanted to be able to get home tonight.

"I don't think we need Giles guys." Buffy said uncertain of Anya's idea. "Come on we can figure this out on our own, plus with the time difference and everything isn't it really early in the morning there?"

"I don't know Buffy if anyone would know about this it would be Giles, maybe we should try ringing him." Willow said

"Yeah and then you can tell him about you and Spike." Xander said, mainly because he really wanted to hear the G-man's reaction. "Unless that's why you don't want to talk to Giles." He added partly as a joke but then as he saw Buffy's uneasy face realised he might have actually been speaking the truth. Willow picked up on it too.

"Is that why you don't want to ring Giles?" She asked confused.

Buffy glanced over at Spike who was staring at her, pure emotion on his face, he looked slightly hurt but also puzzled. She couldn't believe this was happening, why were her friends pushing into a corner with Spike standing and waiting for an answer like everyone else in the room. She guessed they didn't realise what they were doing to her and attempted to answer the question.

"No, of course not, I only thought we could do this by ourselves, I mean he did leave because he said we were all capable of living our own lives without him, that I was capable." She said with a sigh, still not really believing him but trying to get on with her life anyway. As Buffy paused she looked to Spike again and his face told her he didn't buy that as the whole truth. "I did think about how I would probably have to tell Giles if we phoned him up and that didn't seem like fun, I mean I would have rather waited till I could have done it face to face."

"I can't believe this is happening." Spike said under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Spike this isn't-" Buffy turned to him as she tried to explain but was cut off.

"No, you're still ashamed of me, ashamed of us!" Spike said as he moved a couple of steps closer to her, raising his voice as he forgot about the other people around them.

"Of course I'm not! If you would just calm down and stop-" Buffy began to fume as Spike broke in again.

"I thought we were past all this, but now you don't want your watcher to know about us! Just when-" This time Buffy stepped in wanting to put her word in first.

"Did I say that this was about not wanting Giles to know?" Buffy couldn't believe this argument had started in a matter of seconds and was now out of control, Spike looked so hurt and angry and yet she couldn't help shouting back at him, he was making her feel so frustrated and distraught at the same time. "God you don't ever listen to me!"

"No you've got that wrong slayer, I listen a lot more closely than you think." He said harshly.

And with that Spike strode out of the Magic Box, his coat swaying behind him. The slam of the door echoed through the shop and all Buffy could do was watch as silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

TBC…


	11. Reunion

**Authors' note**: Hey everyone! Wow this chapter has been my fastest yet and have you noticed the chapters getting slightly longer…Yay for me! Thanks again to all my lovely reviewers!

**Chapter 11 – ****Reunion**

Buffy stood there taken aback as Spike spoke. "No, you've got that wrong slayer, I listen a lot more closely than you think." The way he said 'slayer' made her flinch, it was like they'd suddenly gone back in time four years and he was standing there ready to kill her, but then he just turned his back and walked out. Buffy was in shock, she felt numb, after everything had just started to go well in matter of seconds her life was a disaster again. She could feel the tears on her face but didn't have the energy to wipe them away. She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned her head to see Dawn looking concerned.

"Buffy…are you alright?" she said softly.

"I…I…don't know." Buffy couldn't even think; she felt like she should run after him but she wouldn't know what to say, _what did he mean anyway?_ _'I listen a lot more closely than you think.' _Her mind was racing and nothing made sense, Dawn practically led her back over to the table where they sat down, the rest of the gang were very quiet, Willow and Xander making odd glances at each other and then back to Buffy.

"Buffy?" Dawn asked trying to get her sister to open up. Tears were still running down her cheeks as she turned to Dawn.

"Oh Dawn…I can't believe what just happened, how did it all suddenly get out of control… he was so angry."

"I know…. I don't know what happened." Dawn said not really knowing what to say.

"I thought I was finally happy and then everything gets messed up with one little argument, why does this always happen to me? Why can't something just go my way for once?"

"I'm sure it'll be o.k. Buffy, it was only a little argument." Willow said trying to comfort her friend.

"Yeah Buff, you and Spike will be smooching again in no time!" Xander said, thinking _did I really just say that_, _bad visual, urgh._

Buffy looked to her friends gratefully for their words of reassurance knowing they were still adjusting to her and Spike and that this must be quite hard for all of them to be witness to an uneasy argument and aftermath.

"Have you slept together yet? Because then you can reel him back in with sex, even if you haven't had sex in fact. I've found it works very effectively." Anya said brightly, earning her usual bemused looks from everyone around. Although her comment was meant to be helpful for Buffy it only made her hurt more, reminding her of what they had shared only a couple of hours ago.

"Spike loves you Buffy, we've all seen how much." Dawn said remembering how distraught Spike was after Buffy died. "I'm sure once you talk to each other everything will be fine."

"I don't know Dawn… things just went from being perfect to this…" Buffy said despairing about her hopeless love life.

"Relationships are never perfect Buffy, you should know that by now, you're always going to have little fights, you've just got to both know that you love each other enough to eventually get back together again." Willow said thinking about her and Tara.

Buffy was stunned at Willow's honest and straight forward advice when her relationship had just fallen apart. In fact everyone looked quite in awe of Willow; it was like she had regressed three years to the innocent but determined best friend Buffy knew so well.

"Now I would go and find Spike to apologise and make up." She said with pure resolve, lifting Buffy's spirits.

"You're right Will, there's just something I gotta do first." And with that Buffy went to phone, ready to tell Giles everything.

* * *

That night Willow went out with Amy, but she just couldn't enjoy herself even when they both used they're magic to make the bronze a fun house. All she could think about was Tara, the way Spike and Buffy had fought and the words Willow had used to comfort Buffy kept coming back to her. Her fights with Tara had started out as small ones or so she thought, Tara just didn't understand the way she used magic, she was taking everything so seriously, so part of Willow believed it was better now they weren't seeing each other…but she missed her so much.

"Hey I know where we can have even more fun!" Amy said bringing Willow out of her thoughts.

"O.k." Willow said trying to be enthusiastic; she would do anything right about now to forget her troubles.

* * *

Buffy's conversation with Giles had been a lot stranger than she had thought. She had expected him to tell her off in some way, at least point out that Spike was a vampire and she was being stupid having a relationship with him, but when she finally told him straight out after dodging the subject for a while by asking how he was and telling him about their new demon there was just a very long silence and then some strange laughter. Buffy had felt insulted, Giles had actually laughed at her.

_"Giles!__ I'm serious!" The laughter stopped abruptly at Buffy's hurt exclamation. _

_"I know you are, it just hit me how ridiculous our lives are. I mean you're the slayer and you've fallen in love with another vampire." _

_"I didn't say I was in-"_

_"But you are, aren't you?" Giles said very seriously. _

_"Yes." Buffy admitted quietly. "Why aren't you more surprised?" She asked, _

_"I don't know…I suppose I just saw how you were with each other before I left." Giles said as he took off his glasses and began to clean them. _

_"I didn't think it was that obvious." Buffy said slightly embarrassed._

_"Well I wasn't sure, in fact I was going to talk to you about it before I went but we weren't on very good terms then…I was actually mainly surprised that you called me at all. I didn't think you would want to talk to me yet."_

_"Yeah, well we kinda needed your help with the demon, proving my point that you shouldn't have left!" Buffy said only half seriously, her anger towards Giles had subsided now, and she understood why he had left, even though she still didn't agree with it. She had had enough of people leaving her 'for her own good.' If she hadn't had Spike helping her get through Giles's departure she didn't know what she would have done. Pain then shot through her as she suddenly thought she might lose him and she quickly said goodbye to Giles._

_"I'll call you back if I find anything concerning your demon." _

_"Thanks Giles." Buffy said gratefully. _

And with that the supposedly terrifying talk to her father figure had ended. Now her mind was only set on finding Spike. She made her way to the nearest cemetery convinced he would be looking for another fight, although a physical one this time. After a few minutes she suddenly caught the scent of cigarettes and turned to her left to find Spike leaning against the side of a mausoleum, his head was down, eyes staring into the ground as he spoke.

"So Slayer, how are we going to fix this one?" he said in a low voice. He hadn't even looked at Buffy yet and it scared her.

"You heard my conversation with Dawn didn't you?" Buffy said as she moved closer to him. Spike's last comment in the shop '_I listen a lot more closely than you think_.' had confused her and now she could only think of one thing he had meant by it.

"Well vampire hearing, it was kind of hard to miss." He said bitterly.

"Why did it make you so mad? I didn't say anything bad about you or us." Buffy said searching Spike's eyes so that he would look at her. They were very close now, only a foot or so apart, Spike looked up at Buffy's gaze and his mood softened as their eyes met.

"I wasn't mad because of that…well…not really… it's just…why didn't you want to tell Giles?" Spike said backing out of what he had planned to say. Buffy had to stop herself from shouting again and control her voice so that it was calm and steady.

"I didn't not want to tell him. I was just a bit scared of telling him."

"Why?... Is it because you're ashamed of this, of what we have?"

"I already told you no. I love you." She said as she reached up and touched his face. "It's just that I thought Giles would be all judging and I would have to get into another argument with him."

"What do you mean you _thought_?" Spike said confused of her use of the past tense.

"Oh…" she said smiling. "I've told him, he knows everything."

Spike smiled slightly looking pleased but there was still some uncertainly in his eyes. Buffy had noted the moment before when he kept hesitating and then seemed to change the subject by asking a childish question. She leant up to his face again but this time lightly brushed her lips against his in a chaste kiss that was so tender it took Spike's breath away, if he actually had to breath that would have been a problem, luckily for Spike he stayed standing…just.

"Talk to me." Buffy practically pleaded.

"When you and the bit were talking…you didn't really seem that enthusiastic about us." Spike confessed what was on his mind and felt like a prize poof for doing it; to get upset about such a little thing wasn't like him at all but now he was with Buffy the thought that things might not work out and he could lose her terrified him.

"Well I think Dawn was being enthusiastic enough for the both of us!" From the look on Spike's face Buffy realised she shouldn't be joking around at this point. "Sorry." She said to compensate. "But if you heard everything you'll know Dawn was just getting so excited…I felt pressured, it had nothing to do with you and me, it was about me and Dawn." Buffy said as she looked at him closely trying to gage his response to her explanation, he looked so vulnerable, like a young boy who was having his heart broken, at moments like these Buffy realised how many layers there were to Spike, he could be all bad and seductive, which was one hell of a turn on but at the same time he was loving and sensitive which turned her on even more. His expression changed though as she looked at him, relief seemed to take hold of Spike and he wrapped his arms around her holding on tightly.

"So we're good now?" Buffy asked muffled by Spike's shoulder.

"We're very good." Spike said as he pulled out of their embrace to look at her.

"You know you really need to start trusting me or were going to argue like this every time we rent a video together." Buffy said trying to lighten up the conversation from what had been very intense.

"We're going to rent videos together?" Spike asked continuing their light-hearted words to each other, glad that they were finally comfortable again.

"Well yeah, that's what couple's do sometimes isn't when they have an evening in together… and were a couple now….boyfriend and girlfriend." She said smiling as she linked arms with Spike in a playful way. She was glad she had called them a couple, they hadn't yet defined what they had together but now she had made Spike understand that she thought of them as having a real relationship. They began walking through the cemetery together Buffy enjoying the innocence of the situation. Spike's mind was racing though; _she just said boyfriend and girlfriend! _He couldn't believe how lucky he was, especially when he could have almost thrown this away a few minutes earlier by getting angry over nothing. Now everything felt fantastic, he had a Slayer on his arm who loved him; all he had to hope now was that their next argument was no where near as extreme. He was sure they would have many insignificant disputes, it was the way they were together and they both enjoyed ribbing each other. Spike's mind left that trail of thought as he felt light fingertips on his neck and turned to Buffy who appeared to be getting restless, right now he only had more making up to think about and he could tell that this reconciliation was going to be a lot more pleasurable.


	12. The dark and lighter sides of life

**Authors' note:** Thank you to all the lovely people who reviewed, sorry again that I couldn't get this out any sooner, I was away for about five days and that delayed everything…but it's quite a long chapter!!

**Chapter 12 – The dark and lighter sides of life**

Willow had got home in the early hours of morning and collapsed into bed, whatever that Rack guy had done to her it had been intense, when she woke later in the day she could still feel the power Rack had given her surging through her body. She stepped into the shower and let the warm water beat down onto her, she wanted more, to feel that strength and electricity running through her, it had been the most immense high she had ever experienced. She placed her hands on the wall of shower to support herself the memories of last night becoming overwhelming in her mind. Willow was intoxicated by the magic, she began to breathe deeply taking in more oxygen trying to calm herself but it didn't help, the only thing that would help her now was to feel that same rush, more of that incredible energy.

She needed more.

* * *

Buffy woke up to the feel of a lean muscled body beneath her, _Spike's body, _she thought dreamily. She remembered how they had got back to her house last night, greeted Dawn with smiles and returned some unexpected hugs because she was so pleased to see them happily back together, and then they'd made their way up to her room and collapsed onto her bed. A day of making love, arguing and making up again had really taken it out of both of them and they hardly had the energy to strip off any of their clothes before curling up and falling asleep in each others arms. Buffy hadn't even had time to think about how strange it was to have Spike in her room last night…her innocent child like room that still had a small 'New Kids on the Block' poster in the corner, a bed that had never really seen any sexual action, Riley had only stayed over a few times and Buffy had not wanted to do anything serious then afraid her mum or Dawn might hear. But now lying on her bed with its cotton flowery sheets was Spike, his arms tightly wrapped around her making Buffy feel like the safest person in the world, the illusion of her pure child like room is shattered and it makes Buffy smile, she knows that she's not a child anymore…not even a teenager. She had been trying desperately to cling onto her old life but now she realised that she didn't need to, she had a great new one and although it may be one where she had to pay bills and worry about the mortgage, it was also one where she had Spike.

Buffy lifted her head slightly watching Spike's face as he slept, she decided the second time waking up to him was even better than the first and she couldn't wait to do it over and over again. She felt him stir underneath her and she began to move off him so she could go have a shower but two strong arms stopped her.

"Where you going?" he said seductively and Buffy felt the vibrations through his chest as he spoke.

"Just thought I would go freshen up." She said smiling as he ran his hands across her lower back then down her thighs and finally decided to rest them on her hips playing with the edge of her panties. Spike obviously had other ideas.

"You're not going anywhere luv." He said now fully conscious tugging at her so that they were face to face and kissed her hard.

"Hmm…don't, I have morning breath." She said making a pathetic attempt to pull away from him.

"I don't care." Spike said as he kissed her even harder and then opened his mouth slightly letting their tongues battle. Buffy moaned gently and then let out a yelp of surprise as Spike flipped her over growling as he did so and looked down at her intently, pure lust in his eyes. His hands went back to playing with her underwear, slowly trying to ease it off her body. Buffy had her arms around his back trying to pull him closer to her, reaching for any flesh she could find just desperate to touch him. Soon they were both naked and one of Spike's hands was caressing Buffy's hip as the other one stroked the side of her breast. His tender fingers played with her supple flesh rousing moans and gasps from Buffy. Spike moved his hand on her hip very slowly to Buffy's inner thigh lightly touching every piece of skin on the way leaving a trail goose pimples and Buffy begging him to touch her even more intimately. He ran a finger between her folds and simultaneously stroked her clit causing Buffy to let out a loud moan, she arched upwards towards him at the same time as trying to force him down onto her by placing her hands on his butt, but Spike held her firmly in place and kept teasing her for a little bit longer.

"Spike…" Buffy begged.

"Something you want pet?" Spike said fighting to keep control himself as Buffy's hand reached down to stroke him.

"You." She said simply. And with that Spike couldn't hold out any longer and slipped inside her causing them both to let out a satisfied sigh. They began moving slowly together but soon that pace increased until it was frantic and desperate both searching for their release. Buffy came first, muffling her cries into Spike's shoulder, he soon followed her and then collapsed half on top of Buffy as he tried not to crush her. She clung to his body when he shifted slightly to move off her, wrapping her leg round his and he looked at her silently questioning.

"Want you to stay right here." She mumbled glancing up at him with love in her eyes. Spike smiled and leant down to kiss her and then laid his head on her shoulder enjoying the few more moments they had joined together until they got up to face the day.

* * *

Tara watched as Dawn took a long suck on her straw collecting as much milkshake as possible.

"Wow, that's a lot of shake!" She said, enjoying her day out with Dawn, they hadn't spent any time together since she had moved out and now this was a moment of blissful normality.

"Yep!" Dawn said smiling. Tara noticed how unusually happy Dawn was today, Imean Dawn was always relatively happy – she had been pretty upset over her break up with Willow and perhaps now she was just really glad to see her Tara thought. But there was something else, a twinkle in her eye, she wondered if maybe Dawn had met someone.

"Dawn, what's going on? You're extremely perky today." Tara decided to question her suspicions.

"Oh my god, of course you don't know." Dawn said suddenly remembering Tara hadn't been present that night at the Bronze and pang of pain shot through her as she thought that Tara may not be part of the gang again. Dawn then paused in excitement, putting those thoughts to back of her mind, because she was going to tell Tara the great news.

"Buffy and Spike are together!" She let on in a burst of joy.

"Together? As in together together!?" Tara said quite shocked. Dawn nodded vigorously. "Wow, that's…um…I mean…does she love him?"

"Yep! And they're so happy…well apart from a big fight they had last night, but they made up and now everything's great!"

"When did this happen?" Tara asked, wondering if she was starting to be left out of the loop already.

"Well I don't know exactly, but we only found out about them the night before last."

"Well that's… really good, B-Buffy deservers to be happy." Tara was genuinely pleased that Buffy had found someone but the new found love just made her think of Willow, she knew she had done the right thing by breaking up with her. She just couldn't stay as long as Willow thought that magic was o.k. to be used the way she used it, like a quick fix for every problem that doesn't have any consequences.

"Oh my god, I shouldn't-" Dawn said realising how hard it must be to here about someone else's new relationship when yours had just fallen apart. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine Dawnie and you don't need to stop talking about Buffy and Spike."

"O.k.… I know that Willow misses you, and I think she's doing better…with the magic." Dawn hoped that if Tara thought Willow was turning things around then she would come back and they could make up.

"Well that's good… that's great for her."

* * *

Willow's legs moved quickly as night fell, she moved through the streets and alleys feeling for Rack's place. She knew she was very close now, the magic made the hair on her arm prickle. She walked through the invisible door and disappeared from the view of any on lookers. All she had been thinking about the entire day was feeling that amazing buzz and now the anticipation almost chocked her, she went straight into Rack's room not bothering to wait her turn.

"Strawberries," Rack said as she entered the room. "I knew you'd come back." A snide smile formed on his face.

* * *

Buffy and Spike sat on the sofa, because of Spike's sun allergy they had both spent the day together at Buffy's house trying to entertain themselves by attempting to do more research on the frozen guy and discussing what job Buffy could get. The later took a lot more thinking.

_"What do you mean you won't let me?" Buffy said incredulously. _

_"You're not working at some fast food joint!" Spike said; however much he loved arguing with his slayer he was slightly concerned over the fact that they'd got into another argument so soon. _

_"Why exactly can't I work there?" _

_"Cause you're too good for that." He said dejectedly as he slumped down on the sofa. Buffy softened realising that they were only having this argument because Spike cared about her, loved her! She never thought she would be so happy about that fact, when she first found out he loved her only about a year ago she had been disgusted and now she'd fallen in love with him… things really do change quickly. _

_A short silence passed and Spike was looking down at his fingernails with great interest Buffy noted as she sat down next to him. _

_"Well... what do you think I should do then?" She said softly. He looked up at her then glad they had stopped shouting at each other._

_"I don't know pet, shouldn't the council of wankers be paying you for slaying or something." He said running out of options in the job department._

_"Well seeing as I don't really work for them anymore, no, and they never paid me anything anyway so I don't think they'd be up for handouts." _

_"There's got be something you're qualified for." Spike said _

_"That's the problem, there's nothing, except beating stuff up and don't think there's much of a call for that." Buffy said trying to make her usual jokes to lighten the situation. _

_"What are you talking about? This is Sunnydale, there's always a call for beating stuff up!" Spike said half seriously but mainly playing along with Buffy's sarcasm. "You could hire yourself out as a bounty hunter! Or do your slaying as an attraction…pull in some crowds to watch and learn!" Spike said smiling; joking around with jobs was a lot more fun than thinking seriously about them._

_"Don't be so silly that's……" Buffy trailed off as suddenly her mind constructed an excellent thought. "…actually a really good idea!" _

_"What's that? You're going to be a bounty hunter?" Spike said incredulously. _

_"No… no of course not…I'm going to teach people to fight!" She said excitedly. _

_"What?"_

_"I can teach self-defence! I could ask if they need anyone at the school or set up my own class!" Buffy said elated that she had thought of something, and then she looked pensive as she thought her plan through. "…of course I don't know how much money that's going to bring in and if I have to set up my own self-defence class then it's going to be a while before I actually get any cash in my hand so I'm going to have to get a job that gives me money straight away until then……oh I know, what about the espresso pump, that's not as bad a flipping burgers and plus I'll finally learn how to make a cup of coffee!" _

_Spike watched amused as Buffy rambled on about her new career. Buffy stopped talking as she noticed the way Spike was looking at her._

_"What? You think it's a stupid idea don't you?" she said._

_"No, it's a bloody brilliant idea luv." He said as he moved his hand to cup her cheek and gently caressed her face with his thumb. They both leant forward slowly until their lips touched in a gentle kiss. _

The rest of the afternoon they spent wrapped around each other on the sofa watching some awful soaps that Spike seemed very hooked on and that's where Dawn found them when she came bounding down the stairs in the evening.

"Hey guys! So are we going to the cinema then?" She said; they had all agreed to go earlier in the day when Dawn had got back from her day with Tara. Dawn was so happy to be actually spending time with Buffy; she thought she would have to ask Willow to go with her because Buffy usually always had something else she would have to do. But now Buffy was so much happier that she was with Spike she was actually talking to her sister again and Dawn felt contented with her life for the first time in forever.

"Definitely Dawnie, let me just get my coat." Buffy said as she got up out of Spike's arms.

"I hope you're not taking me to some chick flick." Spike said with distaste.

"Oh come on Spike there's this really cool looking romantic comedy I want to see." Dawn said looking at him with pleading eyes.

"Plus you watch Dawson's Creek, which means I'm sure you'll like whatever Dawn has picked to see." Buffy said earning a glare from Spike because she was teasing him about his taste in television shows.

They all walked outside into the dim early evening light, the sun safely below the horizon but the sky not yet blacked out and twinkling with stars. Buffy put her arm around Spike's waist hoping he wouldn't hold a grudge because of her joking remark and was pleased when his arm slipped around her, although not so pleased when he moved his hand down and gave her arse a fondle without warning causing her to gasp and Dawn to turn round giving them both very suspicious looks. Spike just chuckled as they strolled into the night thinking he'd finally gone to heaven.

* * *

Willow was flying, it was like the whole world surrounded her and she could do anything as Rack flowed more magic through her system. Images flashed around her, colours, patterns, a temple, a demon… it was coming towards her, she'd seen it the night before as well, she wasn't going to scream this time though but the closer it came to her the more real it felt. She tried to push away from it but found she couldn't move, adrenaline rushed through her blood and she felt even higher than before, she shut her eyes but she could still see everything. Suddenly she found herself on the floor of Racks room and felt a numb pain through her body, she realised she must have just fallen from the ceiling; the pain didn't bother her though, not when she was still buzzing from her trip.

She left Rack's place walking out into the chill of the night air her eyes still dark from the power streaming through her. She giddily wandered through the alleys not really caring where she was going completely drunk on magic. Then a noise from behind Willow startled her and she leapt round suddenly feeling a lot more on edge, a shadow seemed to be following her, a very large shadow. She began walking at a slight quicker pace, looking over her shoulder every now and again, then the shadow was in front of her but now she could see what it really was, the demon, the one in her hallucination, which meant it wasn't real. She giggled despite the faint fear she felt inside herself.

"You're not real." She said still jolly to the huge demon that stood a foot or so away from her. Suddenly the demon moved its' colossal arm hitting Willow's body with full force and throwing her a good ten metres before she landed against some rubbish bins, her fragile body connecting with the metal creating a harsh clash.

"O.k. so you are real." She said hoarsely attempting to move while feeling like every bone in her body was broken. She stumbled back to her feet and turned around beginning to limply run away from the demon. She could hear it moving slowly behind her but it was also catching up, with her injuries Willow couldn't move fast and her world was spinning almost as if she were back on the ceiling of Rack's room although this was much more frightening. She felt a large hand on her shoulder and was thrown backwards as the demon got a grip on her. She lay on the ground cradling her arm that had just hit the hard concrete, the demon towered over her and the realisation that she might very well die right now gripped her mind. She focused her magic with all the strength left in her, bringing her hands out they crackled with power and her eyes turned black, the demon she had created disintegrated in front of her and she gasped in relief.

Willow managed to make her way home slowly limping and holding her arm which she suspected may be broken although she couldn't face walking into hospital now. She collapsed onto the sofa in the lounge not able to walk a step further; the house was quiet, peaceful and she began to doze until a different kind of fear took hold of her as she realised that she would have to tell Buffy about what had happened when she got home. No one really knew how serious the magic had gotten but now they all would. She decided then and there that all the magic would have to stop because otherwise _she_ could never stop, tonight she had nearly died because of her addiction, and she had already lost the love of her life. Tonight was the new beginning to the rest of her life and she wasn't going to waste it.

TBC…


	13. First steps into the clear Part 1

**Authors' note**: This chapter was going to end up very long so I had to split it into two parts – second part should be up tomorrow or Friday! Bits of lines and events have been stolen from 'Gone' but I have also changed quite a lot. Hope you enjoy.

**Chapter 13 – First steps into the clear. (Part 1)**

Willow sat thinking of all the possible ways she could explain what had happened, how things had got so out of control without her even noticing, in fact before that only Tara had noticed. Or had everyone felt the same way as Tara about her magic and just not said anything. Willow shook away all her conflicting thoughts as the door to the Summer's residence opened and Dawn's laughter could be heard. It stopped abruptly when the three of them turned to the lounge and saw Willow looking like she had come out of battle.

"Oh my god Will, what happened? Are you o.k.?" Buffy said rushing to Willow's side, _this is it __Willow__ thought, I'm going to have to spill everything. _

At Willow's anxious look Buffy turned to the Dawn and Spike. "Can go guys go upstairs and get some bandages and stuff?" __

"Of course." Spike said as he took Dawn upstairs with him leaving Buffy and Willow alone.

"Oh Buffy, I'm so sorry." Willow said breaking into tears.

"What do you have to be sorry about?" Buffy said fearing the worst.

"I've been so stupid!" She said shaking her head. "Tara was right… about everything……she was right to leave me."

"Oh Will," Buffy said placing her hand on her friend's shoulder trying to comfort her. "Just tell me what's happened."

Willow told Buffy everything from the memory spell she did on Tara and the one she tried to do on Buffy and Tara to what had happened in that last couple of days with Rack and finally how she had been attacked. Buffy silently thanked Spike and Dawn for giving them some privacy as she listened to Willow.

"I just don't understand Will," Buffy said when she was finished. "How did the magic get so crazy, how could you do something like that to Tara?"

"I don't know." Willow said sobbing. "I guess I was looking for the quick fix and I depended on magic for everything…"

"I can't believe you went so far, you have been killed tonight!" Buffy said trying to not become angry at her friend but failing.

At that moment Dawn and Spike came down the stairs first aid kit in hand. Buffy got up off the sofa and turned to them.

"I'm going to take Willow to the hospital." She said taking charge of the situation as always.

"Buffy, I really don't want-" Willow began.

"Yes, I know but you need to, you said you think you're arm may be broken." Willow relented and they made their way to Sunnydale general together.

It turned out her wrist was fractured and it had to be put in plaster apart from that Willow only had scrapes and bruises. As they were walking home Buffy decided she had been hard enough on Willow, she hadn't preached to her or told her how brainless she had been exactly, Buffy figured she already knew that, but after the hospital they had been very quiet, neither of them knowing what to say so Buffy decided she would change the subject completely.

"I got a temporary job!" Buffy said cheerily.

"Really?" Willow asked.

"Yeah, I'm now a proud employee of the Espresso Pump, I stopped by there tonight and luckily they wanted staff."

"Cool! Does that mean I can get free coffee?"

"Well I don't want to get fired on my first day but I'll see what I can do." She said smiling. Buffy then proceeded to tell Willow about her idea for having her own self defence class.

* * *

When they got back to the house Willow went straight upstairs to bed, Dawn was already asleep but Spike was waiting in the lounge for them.

"Is everything O.k.?" He asked after Willow was out of sight.

"No, it's really not." Buffy said wearily. Spike just put his arms around her and pulled Buffy into a loving embrace, she sighed against his shoulder. "I was so caught up in my own pain before that I didn't notice anybody else's."

"You can't beat yourself up about this Buffy, there's nothing you could have done." Spike said as he caressed her hair, trying to comfort her. They remained silent for a few minutes still gently holding each other until Buffy broke away to look Spike straight in the eye.

"I love you." She said softly, almost inaudible but because Spike was only inches from her and he had supernatural hearing he heard her words and smiled. It was the first time she had said it since the very first time she had said it and Spike had almost forgotten that she really did love him. Everything still felt like a dream, one that he could wake up from any second.

"Love you too." He said as he leant in to kiss her, they shared a brief kiss and then he wished her goodnight. They kissed again as Spike walked out the door, it became quite heated neither of them wanting to let go of the other, Buffy was pushed up against the outside of the house as Spike's hands wandered all over her body. They reluctantly broke apart when things started going even further, Buffy not like the idea of having sex on the front doorstep, Spike cheekily said under his breath but clear enough for Buffy to hear. "You will when I'm through with you."

* * *

The next day Buffy decided to go shopping with Willow, she thought it would take her mind off the magic and Buffy had a free day before her job at the espresso pump started so she was going to take full advantage of it. Earlier that morning had almost been a complete disaster when a bitch of a social worker had called round, something Buffy had completely forgot was going to happen. Luckily Willow was charming but Buffy still didn't think it ended very well especially since she had seen the box of magic items that were going to be stored away for Willow's own good and had jumped to conclusions. Now Buffy just had to put that out of her mind, she was having quite a nice time shopping with her best friend, although she could see that Willow was finding it tough, every now and then she would shake slightly; cold turkey was definitely taking its toll. Buffy made sure they took lots of well needed shopping breaks, stopping to refuel and rest their legs but it was still hard for her to see Willow struggling so much with just staying focused, all Buffy could hope was that in time it would get better.

Willow and Buffy were walking out of one shop when a blast of something came out of nowhere and knocked Buffy to the ground, she picked herself up quickly looking round to see what hit her then she looked down to brush herself off but saw nothing apart from the road below her, then she moved her hands in front of her face and they weren't there, she was gone. Willow was also looking all around her.

"Buffy, where are you?" She said desperately searching for her friend. She had seen Buffy fall to the ground and then disappear.

"Willow I'm right here, apart from I can't see myself." Buffy said confused. Willow turned to her left which was where Buffy's voice was coming from and reached her arm out coming in contact with Buffy's shoulder, she then felt her more firmly tracing her arms and then her face.

"Hey watch it!" Buffy said as Willow almost poked her in the eye.

"Oh my God Buffy, You're invisible!" Willow said amazed.

"Yeah, did you only just notice that?" Buffy asked with her trade-make sarcasm.

"I'm sorry it's just…wow, did you see what hit you?" Willow asked.

"No, did you see anything?"

"There was this black van that sped off pretty quick over there, I didn't see who was driving though."

"Yeah," Buffy said thinking. "I've seen a black van around before when lots of weird stuff was happening to me, I think we better get to the magic box and research."

* * *

Buffy and Willow walked into the Magic Box, the ringing of the bell above them signalling their arrival.

"Hey Will," Xander said as he saw her. "I thought you and Buff were going shopping today, don't tell me she bailed on you for her peroxide love muffin."

"Hey!" Buffy said insulted.

"Who was that?" Xander asked confused as he looked around him as if he were being spied on.

"That was me, Buffy!" She answered walking up to Xander and hitting him lightly on the chest.

"Ow!" Xander yelped mainly out of surprise as he stumbled back a step.

"It seems I've come down with a slight case of invisibility." Buffy said as she picked up various items in the store and started playing with them. Both Xander and Anya stared with amazement.

"We think whoever did this is responsible for those other things that have happened to Buffy as well, I saw that mysterious black van driving away." Willow said moving to research table. "And when we were walking away from where it happened I found this." She said putting something on the table which no one could see. "I think it's a traffic cone, whatever turned Buffy invisible must have done it to this as well." Willow grabbed a marker pen from the table and scribbled on the cone making it visible to everyone.

"So I guess it's full on research time!" Xander said faking enthusiasm.

"Well I should be able to track down who the van's registered to and then get an address." Willow said feeling new found vigour that she would be able to help with her computer skills and not need any magic.

"That's great! You guys won't really need me then. I'm just going to go out for a bit, get some fresh air." Buffy said already opening the door and disappearing – although not literally disappearing because she had already done that! The rest of the gang watched Buffy leave or more precisely the door open and close all thinking the same thing, _fresh air my ass!_

"I'm going to go back to the house and research cause that's where my laptop is, you guy's see if there's any way to reverse invisibility." Willow said as she left.

"It's not fair!" Anya said after Willow was out of the door. "Buffy's going to get to have lots of orgasms now and I'm not!"

Xander had to shake away a disturbing mental image that Anya's words had caused before he could even think about answering her distressed comment. "An' we can have lots of orgasms when we get home tonight o.k.?" Xander said softly as if he were trying to reason with a child. Anya's pout slowly turned into a smile and Xander congratulated himself on another perfectly handled situation with his fiancé.

* * *

Buffy was having a great time… being invisible was fantastic! After scaring some people in the park she'd made her way to the social services office and made that horrible women look crazy, she did feel some slight guilt for it but dismissed it instantly because Ms. Kroger totally deserved it. It was like she had already made up her mind about everything before she arrived at the house. Buffy was practically skipping down the street; there was now only one person she couldn't wait to surprise in her new see through state.

TBC…

_A/N: Sorry to leave it there but you will get an update real soon. _


	14. First steps into the clear Part 2

**A/N: **I've stolen lines and events from the episode 'Gone' as in Part 1.

**Chapter 14 – First steps into the clear. (Part 2) **

The door to Spike's crypt flung open, Buffy had planned to be quite stealthy about surprising him but the door was slightly jammed and she had to kick it open as usual. She slowly made her way into the crypt and watched Spike as he spoke to whatever he thought had just entered his home, she walked over to the tv and turned it off then as Spike walked past her she cheekily brushed his ass with her hand, she could see he was becoming very intrigued at this point and decided to end the mystery by pinning him again the wall and stripping his shirt from him. Then she slowly licked a trail from his neck down his chest lingering on his nipples and then back up again placing feather kisses all the way to his face.

"Buffy?" Spike queried still confused. Buffy just giggled lightly. "What happened to you?" Spike said feeling for her body to reassure himself that it was Buffy standing in front of him. She quickly explained that something had knocked her over and now she was invisible while trying to get Spike's attention back on other _things_. She ran her hands across his thighs and then inched towards his crotch but Spike grabbed her hands before they reached their destination.

"Buffy, luv," He said as he held her hand away from him. "Don't you think you should be finding a way to get this fixed."

"The gang's researching it, there's nothing I can do… apart from you." Buffy said seductively. Spike smiled ruefully at that, she really had become a vixen. Buffy started to kiss him and Spike didn't protest as her tongue slipped into his mouth. They made their way down to the lower level of the crypt and onto the bed but Spike stopped Buffy before things went all the way.

"Wait." He said as she was about to remove his jeans.

"What is it?" Buffy said. When Spike hesitated to answer Buffy asked him hurtfully. "Don't you want to?" Spike heard the pain and insecurity in the question and quickly replied.

"I always want to, I always want _you_, you know that." He said as he stoked her shoulders. "But you're not all here, I _need_ to see you Buffy."

"I thought we could have some fun though, invisible sex fun!" Buffy said optimistically but could see Spike still wasn't happy.

"You just seem to be enjoying this disappearing act a little too much." Spike said as he got off the bed and went to get himself a drink.

"Well yeah, I mean it's been liberating, for the first time since… I'm free. Free of rules and reports, free to do whatever I want."

"But in the real world you can't do whatever you want and I thought you were finally living in it, I mean you've got a job now."

"What do you know about the real world? You don't live in it, you're not even living, and you don't know anything about the pressures and responsibility."

Spike bit back a harsh comment that would've turned the conversation into a full blown argument and probably ended up with Buffy storming out and decided to go with the more calm approach.

"Did something happen today that you're not telling me?" He asked wondering what had suddenly made Buffy so angry at the world and life; he thought she was getting over her resurrection.

Buffy sighed and Spike could see from the shape on the bed that she had flopped down and was lying across it. "This horrible woman from social services called round this morning." Buffy said giving in and explaining her problems.

"But everything's fine with you and Dawn now."

"Well that's not exactly what their interested in, it's more about how much school Dawn has missed and her grades falling and if things don't get better they can take her away from me."

"What? But there were reasons for all that, apocalypses!"

"I don't think social services would take that as a valid excuse, plus even if they _did_ know what I really did and believed it that would be an even bigger reason to take Dawn away from me." Buffy said sighing again. "So now you know why life sucks so much and being a slayer in the real world even more so, because I don't get given any 'get out of jail free' cards."

"I'm so sorry Buffy." Spike said coming to the bed, he stroked her face and felt a tear on her cheek; he wiped it away with his thumb and then continued to caress her. Their moment of solace was interrupted though when they both heard Xander calling.

"Spike? Buffy? Are you down here? I'm covering my eyes because I don't want see you guys in some kind of comprising position." Xander called as he appeared at the bottom of the ladder in Spike's crypt his hand over his eyes.

"Harris you can open your eyes." Spike said.

"You sure you're not naked?" Xander said stumbling closer still with his eyes tightly shut.

"I'm sure, not about Buffy though because she is invisible of course, she could be completely starkers right now." Spike said chuckling.

"Spike!" Buffy said lightly swatting him. "Xander what is it? Did you find something?"

Xander removed his hand and looked to where he figured Buffy was. "That cone we had… it kinda disintegrated, so we think that whatever did this to you is unstable and if we don't get you visible again you're going to… well, dissolve, or ... fade ... into nothing."

"What?" Spike said. "Well do you know how to reverse it?"

"Not yet, Willow was looking into the culprits but I haven't heard from her."

"Well you better find her!" Spike said. Buffy was still silent and Spike wished she would say something because he couldn't tell what she thinking not being able to see her face.

"I'll go to my place, she's probably there. Xander you go back to the Magic Box in case she's on her way there." Buffy said as she moved to the ladder.

"I'm coming with you." Spike said to Buffy.

"Alright, I'm guessing we better move quickly."

Buffy didn't say any more as they made their way her house and Spike was slightly worried about her, she had spoken so calmly and acted indifferent to finding out she could die very soon. Spike had excepted a bit more of a reaction, anything more than what she was giving him.

Willow was not at home, they only found Dawn who got very upset when they told her what was going on. They were about the leave when the phone started ringing.

"Willow?" Buffy said as she answered phone. Spike listened to Buffy speak. "Who is this? You sound familiar." Another pause. "Where?" Spike looked confused as she put the phone down. Buffy explained someone had taken Willow and she was supposed to meet them at the video-game arcade alone.

"Well bugger that, I'm coming with you."

"Spike I can't risk anything happening to Willow."

"And what about you… look you can go in alone I'll wait outside in case something goes wrong."

"Fine." Buffy said relenting.

* * *

Buffy went into the arcade and saw Willow who appeared to be standing on her own. "You okay, Will?" Buffy said.

"Buffy?" Willow said.

"Where are the bad guys?"

"All around you, Slayer, so don't try anything." Someone said who appeared to be holding Willow. Buffy thought she recognised the voice.

"He's bluffing, Buffy, there, there's just three of them, I think." Willow said.

"More than enough to cause some serious carnage, right guys? ... Guys? Guys!" The mystery person spoke again. But his friends appeared to be having more fun on a game than with their kidnapping.

After some more confusion Willow and the four invisible people moved to a less crowed part of the arcade. Buffy watched the large gun device intently figuring it was what made her invisible. She noticed the diamond that was fixed to it and thanked god that now they wouldn't have to do anymore research into frost monsters.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you guys are the ones who did this to me?"

"They're the ones from your mystery van." Willow said confirming Buffy's thoughts.

"Oh. You. So what annoying thing are you gonna do to me now?"

"Save your life, make you visible." The mystery leader said.

"Right. I'm supposed to believe that?" But Buffy gave in figuring it was the only chance to live and save Willow and picked up a hockey mallet as instructed by the anonymous guy so he would have a target.

"Okay, now hold still, and all your troubles will soon be gone." He said as the gun pointed towards Buffy.

"You're on the wrong setting!" Willow said.

"What?" The guy with the gun exclaimed.

"The gun, it's not set for reversing the particle ionization. It'll accelerate her molecular dissolution, I saw the plans!" Willow explained.

"Mind your own business."

"What's she talking about?" Another voice said.

"That's what I'd like to know." Buffy said.

"Buffy, he's trying to kill you!" Willow shouted before being hit by the gun. Then all hell broke out as Buffy fought the three invisible bad guys, it was all over pretty quickly, Buffy found it extremely easy to beat them all and she realised why when Willow got her hands on the invisibility ray and made them all visible including herself. Jonathan, Warren and another guy… Andrew apparently had banded together to be her arch-nemeses or nemesis's she wasn't sure what the plural was of that word. And she was slightly impressed when they threw something that burst into smoke causing her and Willow to start coughing but then found it extremely funny when the smoke cleared and they were still standing there trying to get the door open. They finally managed to get the door unlocked and Buffy and Willow followed closely behind them. It turned out they didn't even need to hurry though as the trio came face to face with Spike and all looked very scared cowering in front of him. They turned to see Buffy and Willow standing behind them, Buffy had her arms folded and didn't look happy. She couldn't believe these three geeks had been causing her so much trouble, what had happened to the real big bad's?

"We're sorry, please don't hurt us!" Andrew said.

"Shut up!" Warren said. "They can't hurt us, the Slayer doesn't hurt humans."

"No?" Buffy said.

At that moment a security guard came outside. "What's going on here? I got a bunch of scared kids saying this place is haunted!" He said.

"We've just found the diamond thieves." Buffy said as Willow took the diamond from the gun and handed it to the guard.

"Oh my." The guard said stunned.

"I think you better call the cops." Buffy said.

"What? No they're lying, It's our word against yours!" Warren said desperate.

"They'll know we're not lying when I give them the address of your headquarters, then they'll have all the evidence they need to lock you away." Willow said looking pleased with herself. The guard used his radio the report the capture and the cops arrived quite quickly taking the nerd trio away. Buffy felt a bit guilty looking at Jonathon's face she always thought he was actually quite a nice guy apart from the whole superstar spell and then this of course. Ah well, if they wanted to be her archenemies then they would have to deal with the consequences.

* * *

"So," Spike said once everything was taken care of. "Those nerds are the ones who have been causing you so much trouble?" Buffy could see he was just trying to make conversation after the awkwardness between them before. Spike had been right to act the way he had with her. Buffy admitted to herself that being invisible had made her act differently, she'd never been able to experience that freedom before not since she was a little girl without a care in the world. And before any of this had happened Buffy thought she was happy again, living in the real world, Spike had given her that happiness and she was enjoying being with Dawn and her friends again, _so why the set back?_ Buffy thought. Now Spike would want an explanation too and Buffy just didn't know what to tell him. She just nodded at his question and waited for him to make the next move.

"How's the world feeling…you know, now that you're back in it?" Spike asked hesitantly as he took a step closer to her.

"It's o.k." Buffy said mirroring his actions and taking a step towards him so that they were now only a foot apart. "You're here so that's a big plus." She said as she leant forward searching for a kiss which she fervently received. As they pulled back Spike lingered next to her mouth for a couple of seconds so that their lips were faintly touching and then he leant his forehead against hers not wanting to break the intimate contact.

"I'm going to go back home with Willow and tell Dawn I'm fine…" Buffy said against his lips as she unwrapped her arms from his waist and then stepped back. Spike shut his eyes briefly to hide his disappointment and looked down. "…but after that I'd like to come by your place… and maybe spend the night." Spike's head shot up to look at Buffy hoping he had heard her correctly. She sounded anxious as she spoke, he couldn't believe she was actually insecure about asking to come over or that she thought she had to ask at all. Spike reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"You know you'll always welcome pet." They shared a smile and then Buffy went to join Willow as she was finishing giving her statement to Sunnydale's finest.

"Hey." Buffy said.

"Hey." Willow echoed and they joined in step together as they slowly walked down the street.

"Pretty neat, you finding the van. So ... how did you manage to ... do it exactly? I mean, to locate it?" Buffy said hoping Willow hadn't already done some magic on her first day of rehab.

"The hard way. The spell-free way. The oh-my-god-my-head's-gonna-fall-off, my-feet-are-killing-me way." Willow said grimacing. Buffy smiled as her friend sat down on the side walk glad that she was working through her problem. "I don't know how I got through this day." Willow said.

"Well, the important thing is that you did. It's a ... good first step." Buffy said sitting down beside her.

"How are you doing, post-invisibleness? I kind of noticed it bit of tension between you and Spike." Willow asked.

"Yeah, I don't think I handled it very well, being all out of sight or I handled it too well… I still have to do some definite damage control from my giddy-fest. Spike and I had a bit of an argument,"

"Another one?" Willow said teasing.

"Hey!" Buffy said but then relented, excepting the fact that they did argue a lot. "We may fight a lot but that just means we make up a lot too." Willow made a bit of a face at what Buffy was implying with her 'making up' comment and Buffy giggled slightly at her friends' prudishness before continuing to speak on a more serious note. "It wasn't a big argument anyway and we're o.k. I mean I've still got to work through some stuff with him but we're o.k. It wasn't really about _us._" Buffy sighed not knowing how to find the words when she hadn't had them for Spike. "I thought… that I was happy, I mean I am but… I thought I was really happy with living again and then being invisible made me remember how being out of the world was good too, freeing… although in the end it didn't work out so well."

"Well yeah, finding out you're fading away can do that."

"I know... I actually got scared."

"Well, yeah. Who wouldn't?" "

"Me. I wouldn't. Not too long ago I probably would have welcomed it. But… I've got Spike now and I life I want to live, it's just that in my mind the living part didn't seem so hard… I think I'm prepared for it now though, I mean I've come from a set-back and I'm ready for more. That's something, right?"

"It's something. In fact it's more than something." Willow said smiling at Buffy. "So I guess we both made good first steps, even if you made one back and then another forward."

"I guess." Buffy said, feeling there were a lot more steps to come.

"Yay for us."

"Yay."

TBC…

**Authors' note:** I know I just dealt with the nerds really quickly but they were annoying in season six and I just wanted to get rid of them, plus in the episode 'Gone' there is no way Buffy and Willow would have just let them run away so easily especially when they have been screwing with her life so much.

_Please review as this took me very long time to get how I wanted and I really want to know what you think!_


	15. Work and Play

**Authors' note:** A big thank you to Descendant of Doom and Poemkeeper for your reviews and all your previous ones, you two and Ryan were the only people who left constructive reviews for my last chapter…people who just say update SOON SOON SOON do not motivate me to write any quicker (Kit-cat99) I also like to actually know what you liked about the chapter, your thoughts and feelings. Thanks also to Jackripper3, Amandamada3 and Zathinegirl for your reviews they are all much appreciated. I've been trying to update once a week but it's been about a week and half this time, I will try harder and I aim to get my next update by the 28th!

**Chapter 15 – Work and Play.**

Buffy grabbed some things from home after telling Dawn everything was o.k., she wasn't going to fade away, and made her way to Spike's crypt. So many thoughts were running through her head as she walked there, she knew Spike would want proper answers to numerous questions which he must have. She had seen the look on his face after Xander had told them her fate, the expectant waiting for her to open up and tell him everything she was feeling in that moment. But she hadn't and he had been patient with her even after she was visible again and had avoided answering his question properly. So now what was she going to do and why was this relationship stuff so hard? She practiced in her head of what she could tell him, how she could explain what was going through her mind, unfortunately Buffy couldn't put a lot of it into words so she gave up and just walked slightly faster because she thought she quicker she saw Spike the quicker the awkwardness and confusing thoughts in her head would stop.

* * *

Spike was pacing the full length of his crypt and finishing his third cigarette also lost in thought; Buffy's invisible stunt had left him a bit disturbed. It was like she had slipped away from him and he couldn't reach her and that actually scared him. She hadn't even seemed that upset when she found out she was going to die and that scared him even more, it was then he heard a soft knock on the door of his crypt and rushed quickly to open it finding Buffy waiting patiently who looked up at him with almost shyness in her eyes.

"Hey." She said softly and then walked by Spike as he moved to the side silently inviting her in. Buffy went over to the sarcophagus and sat down, letting her legs dangle over the side she lightly swung them back and forth. Each of them waited for the other to speak and neither did so silence fell over the crypt. Spike, who was standing a couple of metres from Buffy, finally got fed up of the silence and walked over to her.

"So, do you want to tell me what's going on in that noggin of yours?" Spike asked leaning against the sarcophagus.

"Uh?" Buffy said wondering if he had just asked something rude.

"Your head luv, what are you thinking about?" He said smiling and reminding himself not to use slang words as much.

"Oh…" She said realising what he'd asked. "Um… well… you know that's a harder question than you'd think because my thoughts aren't very coherent and therefore telling you them would make no sense."

"You could try luv."

"I don't know where to start… I mean you know how I felt when I was invisible, well it turns out being free like that isn't actually that great…" Spike stayed quiet as Buffy continued talking. "But then finding out you're fading away can put a damper on things."

"I thought.." Spike said but then cut himself short.

"What?" Buffy asked. When Spike stayed silent she pushed him to answer. "What did you think Spike?" She said forcing him to look at her.

"When Xander told us, it seemed like… you wanted to die, to go back to heaven or that you just didn't care. You were so distant."

"Because I was freaked! And really scared. I _don't_ want to die Spike." He looked at her intently as if he needed to make sure she was telling the truth.

"It was just with the way you were talking about being free and I know better than anyone how you've been feeling since you've been back." He said explaining his thoughts. Spike didn't actually say it, 'back from the dead', nobody ever said it, they still all tip-toed around the subject and Buffy knew why, they didn't want to be reminded and they thought it was better if she wasn't reminded and maybe they were right.

"You know _me_ better than anyone Spike." She said as she turned to face him completely. "And you know that I would never want to die, not now."

"I only want to be there for you." He said cupping her face.

"I know."

"Because if you're ever not o.k. I want you to tell me Buffy."

"I know and I will, next time I turn invisible I'll come straight to you with my problems." Buffy quipped but Spike didn't even show a smile. She took his hands in hers and snuggled closer to him until she was practically sitting on his lap. "I mean it. But you know I'm a concealer girl, o.k. unintended pun, I'm not someone who likes to share everything that's going on inside me."

"I understand that, all I want is to be part of your life."

"And you are, I mean we've only just officially started our relationship and all me friends know about us, you've already stayed over at my place, we've been having _lots_ of deep discussions and a whole load of sex! Don't you think that means anything?"

"Actually, I think we're a bit behind on the sex." Spike said as he lifted up Buffy right onto his lap so that she was straddling him.

"Is that so?" Buffy asked as she grinded slightly against him and then leant her head down to capture his lips in a passionate kiss. Spike eagerly reciprocated and ran his hands down her back and under her top enjoying the feel of her warm skin. Buffy moaned into the kiss as Spike's hands ran up and down her back and then shivered as they brushed against the sides of her bra.

"Maybe we…mmm….should take this into the bedroom." Buffy mumbled in between kisses.

"Couldn't agree more." And with that Spike suddenly lifted Buffy up, she wrapped her legs around his waist and clung to his neck to keep from falling and they stumbled around still kissing until they were next to the entrance leading down to the lower lever of the crypt. Buffy slowly unhooked her legs and slid down Spike's body staying closely pressed against him. He let out a slight groan and then she stepped away from him and made her way down the ladder, glancing up at him through her lashes. He followed after her as quickly as he could silently promising to get her back for the way she had just teased him. For the rest of the night their gasps and sighs of pleasure echoed around the crypt until they both had used all their energy and collapsed in a tangle of limbs resting peacefully around the other.

* * *

"So Buffy's see-able again?" Anya asked as Xander walked back to her from answering the phone.

"Yep. Willow said no more research needed, they caught the suspects and they've been responsible for everything from stolen diamond to exploding flint." Xander said relaxing in a chair as he shut the book he'd been reading for the last hour shut with a satisfying thud.

"Good, because if she'd turned into pudding that would have put a dampener on the wedding." Anya said organising the money from the till. Everything Anya talked about now was either about the wedding or related to the wedding in some way or another and Xander head was starting to hurt because of it, he almost wished the wedding was tomorrow so that all the organisation could stop and they could just start their married life together. But then the fear set in and he was wishing that the wedding was far far away in the future. He knew he should talk to Anya about all these fears but wouldn't that just make her upset and make her think he didn't want her, when he wanted her so much sometimes it hurt when they were parted. He let out a small sigh because of his thoughts and then got up and walked over to Anya who was still by the till.

"I love you, you know." He said as he cupped her face and stroked her cheek. Anya's face softened turning into one of pure innocence and love as she smiled.

"I love you too." She said abandoning her money and hooking her arms around Xander's neck. They kissed softly and Xander decided this was much better than worrying about any doubts.

* * *

The next day Buffy started work at the Espresso Pump. After a little rush to get there because of Spike's insistence that they have some more 'fun' in the morning she was introduced to the other employees and manager who she'd briefly met the other day and had given her the job. The manager was a pretty nice lady, she was in her late forties and almost reminded Buffy of her mum in some ways, the other two employees she met, a girl and a guy, who she would be starting her shift with today also seemed o.k. although the girl appeared to be slightly too into the job as she explained how to make the perfect cup of coffee which took her approximately twenty minutes, Buffy just listened patiently and nodded in the right places not wanting to start on the wrong foot with the people she'd be working with. The rest of her shift went alright, luckily it wasn't too busy but when five o'clock rolled around Buffy was exhausted having been on her feet most of the day and she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the sofa with a cup of coco, definitely not coffee, and preferably Spike's arms around her. But unfortunately she arrived home to Dawn complaining that they had no food in the house and they would have to go down the road to buy something to eat from the store. As it had gotten dark already Buffy let herself be dragged along by Dawn as they made their way outside the house by the back door leading to the small section of garden they had at Dawn's insistence that this way was quicker. What greeted Buffy was a wonderful sight, a table and two chairs were set out in the middle of the lawn with a white table cloth and a beautifully prepared meal, twinkling above her were some fairy lights which made the whole scene look magical. Buffy looked at Dawn in awe.

"Surprise!" Dawn said looking extremely pleased with herself, "I thought you would appreciate a nice romantic meal after your first day at work."

Buffy felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Spike standing behind her. "It was all the litl' bits' idea, so she's the one you need to thank."

"You did all this?" Buffy asked Dawn.

"Willow helped and Xander came and put the lights up cause I didn't want to break something, plus I couldn't reach. You should've seen Spike's face when he arrived, at first he thought it was all some elaborate plan to kill him." Buffy giggled a little at that and then pulled her sister into a fierce hug.

"Thank you so much Dawn." Buffy said still locked in a tight embrace. Then she pulled back and stroked a piece of Dawn's hair tucking it behind her ear. Dawn just stood and glowed with all the appreciation she was getting, happy that her sister liked her surprise so much. "This is just all… amazing." Buffy said as she looked around at everything again. She felt Spike's arms wrap around her from behind and leaned back against him silently rejoicing in the feel of his body touching hers, it also took a bit of the weight off her feet which was heaven.

"Well I'm going to go now, leave to two alone." Dawn said taking her cue to exit.

"Wait what about you? Have you eaten?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, me and Willow cooked some extra and sampled it to make sure it wasn't poisonous or anything." Dawn said smiling as she went back inside.

"Guess it's just us now luv." Spike said right against her ear and she felt his lips brush it as he spoke causing her to shiver slightly. She turned in his embrace bringing her lips to his for the sweetest kiss she had ever experienced; every kiss with Spike was somehow the best one she'd ever had. It was new and exciting yet at the same time like they'd kissed a thousand times before, soon they probably would have kissed that many times the way they were going. They could both read the other so well that they would open their mouths in perfect unison their tongues meeting and exploring the other. Sometimes the kiss would be fierce and passionate and sometimes it would be soft and sweet like the one they were having now yet still with the same passion behind it. They broke apart and Buffy rested her head on his shoulder breathing in his scent. Then he took her by the hand and led her over to the table and they sat down to eat the meal Dawn had lovingly prepared. Buffy was surprised when it actually tasted quite good. It felt slightly strange eating a posh meal in front of Spike, it actually felt even stranger to see him eat. When they both finished they talked about random things, how Buffy's day at work had been, Spike told her that Clem might have met a potential girlfriend, it all felt very normal even though they were discussing demons, even though Buffy was sitting with a demon who was drinking blood instead of wine. She sighed in contentment and then put her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand as she stared at Spike.

"What?" he asked suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothing… it's just that everything… somehow feels right, you know?" She said tilting her head and reaching across the table with her spare hand to link it with his.

"I know." He whispered as they continued to gaze at each other, the moon above them casting a slight shadow across the table of their entwined hands.

TBC…


	16. Chips are down

**

* * *

Authors' note: **Thanks to Kari Mouke, Descendant of Doom, Steph, Mita427, Kristine, Aseret and especially Amandamanda3 for their reviews of my last chapter, they were all lovely! Amandamanda3 you always leave extremely nice reviews with your own personal thoughts – they're great! I said I would get this chapter up by the 28th and I just did it, by a couple of minutes. 

**Chapter 16 - Chips are down. **

The past couple of weeks had been a dream for Buffy, an extremely good dream. She and Spike had been spending practically all their spare time together, he would either stay over at her house or she would sleep at his crypt and she would wake up with strong and comforting arms surrounding her. Her first pay check from the espresso pump would be arriving soon which meant she would actually have some money to pay the long over due bills and she had started to set up her own self-defence class. She had already been to the local gym and community centres to see if they wanted anyone but they didn't run any such classes and didn't want to set up any, which from Buffy's point of view was very strange seeing as the town was on a hell mouth and the people of Sunnydale should want these classes more than everyone else in the entire world. But Buffy didn't dwell on that long, she just figured that it was all the better for her because now she could set up her own class and there was absolutely no competition, she had found an untapped market as they say. Buffy had decided that she would start running a class once a week at the moment to fit in with her other job and after a discussion with Anya she was going to the use the training room at the back of the shop as her venue. At first Anya had been sceptical about having sweaty people walking through her shop until Buffy reminded her that it would bring her more customers and therefore more money, after that Anya enthusiastically agreed. Now all Buffy had to do was figure out how much to charge and then start advertising so people knew about her self-defence class and actually came to it, something which she would do straight away tomorrow morning because right now she was just enjoying the feel of Spike's hands on her body as they ran down her stomach and then her thighs playing with her velvet soft skin. Buffy moaned and ran her fingers through his hair as he moved down her body losing herself in him. Spike kissed his way down her stomach leaving a path that tingled, Buffy shivered with anticipation as he moved further down and soon she was in complete heaven, her breathing became heavy and she started gasping for air as she tried to control it. As her orgasm took hold of her she couldn't stop her head trashing against the pillow as she cried out Spike's name. After her orgasm finally finished she still lay there practically panting as she tried to calm herself. Spike had crawled up her body by then and was watching her with a satisfied smile on his face. Buffy got some control back and turned her head to look at him, her whole body was still tingling. Spike ran a hand across her face looking at Buffy with pure love.

"That was amazing." She breathed.

"You're amazing."

* * *

Buffy's late shift at the espresso pump had just finished and she figured that she'd do a quick sweep of the cemeteries before going home. She heard fighting as she came to the second graveyard and quickly ran around a mausoleum to see what was happening. She saw Spike with his back to her fighting off a demon, he'd had obviously been fighting a group of them because two lay dead around him. As Buffy was going to rush in and help him he killed the third one. Buffy was already standing behind him and she placed a hand on his shoulder to alert him to her presence. Spike was so caught up in the fight that he spun around quickly thinking Buffy was another demon and punched her hard across the face knocking her to the ground.

"Oh my god, Buffy are you o.k.?" Spike said shocked and quickly leant down to ground to help her up

"Yeah, I'm…" Buffy said dazed then seeing another demon behind Spike shouted. "Watch out!" Spike turned quickly hitting the demon firmly across the face sending it to the ground and then placed his foot on the demons' neck and pushed down hard killing it.

"I'm so sorry." Spike said as he turned back to her.

"That's o.k. I caught you on edge obviously." She said as he helped her up. Then she suddenly looked at him very strangely. "Why didn't your chip go off?" Buffy asked slowly and slightly afraid.

"I…I don't know, I didn't even realise at the time, but your right I didn't feel anything." Spike said in wonder. "Do you think it's stopped working?" He said, his hand unconsciously going to touch his head. When he asked Spike couldn't help the smile that formed on his face. To be finally free of the chip that controlled him, made him feel trapped in his own body. He caught the look in Buffy's eyes, she looked scared. He couldn't believe it, was she scared of him? What he might do now? Didn't she trust him? Obviously not from the look on her face.

"I guess we better go figure this out." He said as he turned around and began to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked.

"Magic central, I mean you lot will probably wanna prod me with a stick or something." Spike said unhappily as he turned back to her.

"Well we _should_ find out what's happened, if it's stopped working or if there was malfunction, we don't want the chip to be a danger to you." Buffy said suddenly worrying that Spike could get hurt.

"Or me to be a danger to anyone else."

"What?"

"Oh come on Buffy, when the chip didn't fire just then you looked scared."

"I was shocked o.k. I thought-"

"What? That I'd go off and kill the first innocent bystander."

"No. Of course not." Buffy said sincerely.

"What did you think then? Cause you were looking bloody petrified."

"I don't know, a million thoughts were running through my head, they still are. At first it was 'oh my god you're chip's stopped working you'll probably going to leave me now and go and get your old life back.' And then-"

"I'd never leave you Buffy," Spike said as he stepped closer to her and placed a hand on each side of her face. "And I love you too much to ever go and kill any humans now. You really think I'd just pick up where I left off before I got the chip?"

"I don't know what to think…I _do_ trust you… it's just I'm used to guys going all evil on me." Buffy said looking up at him hesitantly.

"Yeah well I'm not them." Spike said trying not to think about Angel when she'd just blatantly referred to him and also trying not to say 'I'm not _him_.'

"I know that." Buffy said softly, hooking her arm around his as they slowly began to walk together. "We still better work out what's happened, whether this was a one off or if it's permanent." She said looking to Spike at her side. He chuckled and had a smirk on his face. "What is it?" Buffy asked intrigued as to what he was thinking.

"It's just that next time the whelp insults me I'll be able to hit him." Spike said smiling. Buffy just laughed slightly and they continued walking arms linked together.

* * *

When they arrived at the Magic Box Anya and Xander were there but about to lock up and leave. They walked through the door the bell jingling above their heads and Xanders' face turned to one of despair.

"Please don't say there's research to be done, I've been enjoying our holiday of not reading." He said preparing for the worst.

"Don't worry Xand, I don't think there's much research we can do for this." Buffy said walking up the table where Xander was sitting.

"What's happened?" Anya asked interested.

"We think Spike's chip may have stopped working."

"What? And he's just standing there in a position where he could easily kill us all." Xander said standing up.

"Calm down Xander, he's not going to kill anyone."

"Might hurt you a little bit if you're mean to me." Spike said to Xander taking a step towards him, trying to scare him.

"I'd like to see you try bleach boy." Xander said taking a step closer to Spike.

"Boys," Buffy called getting there attention. "Could we all grow up please? Now we need to find a way to work out if Spike's chip is working or not."

"Hey I know we could just cut open his head do a little exploratory surgery, Spike doesn't use most of his brain anyway." Xander said. Spike knew he shouldn't rise to it, that Xander was just teasing him and in almost a friendly way, since Buffy and him had got together everyone had been really accepting about it, even Xander. He still insulted Spike of course, like right now and Spike would usually just insult him back but then at the moment his chip might not be working.

"Or I could just do this." Spike said as he stuck his arm out which connected with Xander's chest sending him flying back four or five foot where he landed on the floor with thump.

"Ow!" Xander and Spike said simultaneously, Xander clutching his back and Spike his head. "Bloody hell!" Spike grumbled.

"Xander! Are you o.k.?" Anya said running over to help up her fiancé.

"Uh, yeah I'm alright." He said glaring at Spike.

"Spike! You didn't have to do that." Buffy said slightly annoyed. She was also feeling even more afraid, the chip hadn't worked on her but was fine with Xander. It could have just been a malfunction but something deep inside Buffy told her it wasn't, that there wasn't anything wrong with the chip whatsoever. Spike's voice brought Buffy out of her thoughts.

"So how are we going to find out if this sodding chip's going wonky or not."

"I'm not sure," Buffy said thinking. "I could ring Tara, see if she could do some spell to check how it's functioning."

"I don't want any bloody spells done on me." Spike said looking apprehensive.

"I'm sure she won't do anything dangerous." Buffy said walking over to the phone to ring Tara. She quickly explained what was going on and Tara said she would get some books together and be there as quick as she could. Ten minutes later Tara walked through the door holding a small pile of books.

"Is there anything you can do?" Buffy asked standing up.

"I think so," Tara said putting the books down. "The chip's an electronic device so it gives off energy, which means I should be able to do a spell that shows the energy coming from Spike, if the chips not working properly the energy will be fragmented not pure."

"I'm not going to feel anything funny am I? When you do this?" Spike asked still feeling uneasy.

"No, you shouldn't feel a thing. It will just make some light appear around you." Tara said opening one of the books as she looked for the spell.

"Thanks for doing this Tara. Normally I would have asked Willow but well… you know." Buffy said awkwardly knowing that Dawn had told Tara recently what had happened to Willow and not knowing exactly how Tara felt about it all.

"That's o.k. B-Buffy, it's no trouble."

Tara found the spell and walked over to Spike, then she recited a few words in some language that Buffy didn't recognise and suddenly a blue glow radiated from his body. The light surrounded him reaching a radius of about a metre, Spike stared in awe of the pure blue light as did everyone else in the room, after a few second he looked over to Tara.

"So what's this mean Glinda?" He said.

"Well there's no fragmentation so the energy signal from the chip is normal, it s-should be working fine." Tara said. The glowing stopped suddenly then.

"What about that?" Buffy asked.

"That was just the end of the spell, it only lasts for about half a minute." Tara explained. Everyone went silent for a few seconds then, not knowing what to do next.

"Maybe it was just a one-off before and now-" Tara began.

"It's me." Buffy said silencing her. "There's nothing wrong with the chip, it's me." She repeated. Then she turned and fled out of the shop before anyone could make a move or sound to stop her.

TBC…


	17. Wrong

**Authors' note:** Thanks to The lunatic who cares, Descendant of Doom, Amandamanda3, Kirsten. Really sorry again that you've had to wait a bit for this chapter, but I've been working loads recently and seemed to have no time for anything else. I also thought I'd let you know that this story will definitely be finished by Christmas because after then I'm leaving to go travelling for four months around the world and it'll be a lot harder for me to write. Not sure how many more chapters though probably six or seven more.

**Chapter 17 – Wrong. **

Buffy just kept running, she didn't want to stop, didn't want to think. If she stopped moving all her fears would come rushing back. She knew since she'd been brought back that something wasn't right and it wasn't just learning to live in the world again, it was like she'd left something behind in her grave, part of herself. And now she had proof that something was really wrong and it was her. Spike's chip didn't class her as human, so what was she?

Since she'd been back Buffy hadn't been able to connect with anyone, her friends, Dawn. Spike had been the only person she been able to talk to, at the time she thought it was because he hadn't been one of the people who brought her back, she could always talk to him honestly and he didn't judge her. But now new frightening thoughts were running through her mind, was she some kind of demon? Was the only reason she'd fallen in love with Spike because he was a demon too? Buffy hoped not, but so much had changed in a year, she was disgusted at first when he declared his love for her, then she'd learnt to trust him, then she'd died and after been brought back they'd become friends, that was the only word Buffy could use to describe the relationship they had had. Then the singing had changed everything, the truth came out in more ways than one and Spike saved her yet again.

As Buffy thought about everything she had been through with Spike, all the moments she had shared with him she decided that even if she hadn't died when she did she probably would have ended up falling in love with him anyway. But she hadn't come back completely right, she knew that, there could be no other explanation, how was she going to live now, knowing that she wasn't really her?

Buffy was near the woods now on the edge of town, she finally came to a clearing, what she had been searching for and there was her grave staring her in the face, she hadn't seen it since that night and with the moon shining casting shadows across the stone it looked even more eerie. Buffy took a few steps closer to it, reading what was engraved on it more clearly, before she had been so confused she only really saw her name, she took in the inscription on the bottom, 'She saved the world a lot.' Her whole body felt like a huge weight and she fell down to her knees, sinking into the damp grass at the foot of her grave. Buffy didn't know if she would ever be that 'she' again. The person who fought all those apocalypses, so much had changed. Was this what they called growing up? Or was it something more? Something really wrong?

* * *

Everyone in the Magic Box was silent; Spike stared at the door where Buffy had just disappeared from.

"So what's wrong with her?" Anya said breaking the silence.

"There's nothin' wrong with her!" Spike practically yelled. Everyone was a little shocked by his outburst but Anya seemed unfazed by it as she continued.

"I just mean that something must be different about her since we brought her back for your chip not to work on her, right?" Anya didn't receive an answer from anyone. Spike had a pensive look on his face as he looked into nothing and the shop went quiet again.

"Can you find out why the chip doesn't work on Buffy anymore? Look into the spell Red did? Work out if there's any chance that she came back… not quite human?" Spike said as he turned to Tara.

"No Spike, that's n-not… no. She didn't, she's fine." Tara said firmly.

"Yeah I know, but I need some answers… Buffy will need answers, whatever they may be."

"What are you going to do?" Xander said as Spike turned to walk out the door.

"Find her."

* * *

It wasn't very difficult for Spike, as soon as he walked out the shop he caught her scent, sometimes he thought he would be able to follow her scent across the world. It was so distinctive, to his nose anyway and it was a comforting thought, he felt as though it would always be able to find her and that meant he would never lose her in some ways. Spike strode purposefully across town following his nose, after a while he felt he was getting very close, he could _feel_ her. Then the area around him became familiar and he knew exactly where she was without having to sniff her out. He had been here so many times in those hundred and forty-seven days, the worst days of his life and unlife.

He saw her kneeling at the foot of her grave, her back facing him. He knew she'd probably already sensed him but he didn't want to scare her, so he gently walked up beside her and said her name.

"Buffy?" Spike said as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Is that my name? Am I Buffy?" She whispered.

"Of course you are, don't you feel like yourself?" He said softy and slowly still standing just behind Buffy.

"I don't know, I didn't… before… I thought that now… I was me, I've been feeling really good… but…" Buffy trailed off and looked up into Spike's eyes.

Spike knelt down beside her and placed his hands around hers in a touch that mimicked warming them even though he gave out no heat.

"Buffy. You're still you." He said firmly. To Spike she would always be Buffy even if it turned out she was some kind of demon or something worse he would always love her.

"No, I can't be, I must have come back wrong Spike, otherwise why can you hit me?" She said as tears formed in her eyes.

"I don't know yet, but I've got the witch looking into it, she'll find out why." Spike said and then cupped Buffy's chin forcing her to look at him. "You didn't come back wrong."

Buffy buried her head in his shoulder sighing in the comfort it gave her as Spike wove his arms around her and stroked soothing patterns on her back. They stayed like that for a few minutes neither of them wanting to break the contact or the comfortable silence that had formed around them. Eventually Spike spoke, the rational part of his mind kicking in and realising that they couldn't stay like this forever, for one thing the sun would come up soon and turn him to dust.

"Come on luv, let's get back eh?"

"O.k." Buffy said muffled into Spike's shoulder.

Spike had to practically lift her up from the ground and then as they walked back to the shop he kept an arm wrapped around her waist to support her, Buffy just let most of her weight rest on Spike and tried not to think about what answers Tara could have and how bad they could be.

* * *

After Willow had told Amy to get lost for good she suddenly felt liberated, it had given she new strength to fight her addiction, make sure she never gave in. It also made her feel there was hope, hope for her and Tara and a future they might have together. She hadn't really spoken to Tara since she'd moved out of the house, they did run into each other a day and Tara seemed pleased that she had gone quite a few days now without any spells so Willow could only hope that somehow they could work things out even if it meant they would just be able to be friends again.

* * *

Everyone's head turned to the door as Buffy and Spike walked in, Spike was still holding Buffy close to him. They all took in the display of comfort and affection between them, they were all still getting used to seeing them together being couplely and intimate but nobody said anything, Xander and Tara looked away shyly both thinking they shouldn't be staring and Xander still feeling slightly creeped out by their cosiness. Anya continued to watch them though, she was extremely pleased that they were a couple and she hoped it would last, it meant that Xander and her would have another couple to do things with, before Spike came along she and Xander were thinking they may have to set Buffy up with someone to help with her social life and therefore aid them with theirs.

They walked to the research table and sat down next to one another so that Buffy could rest her back against Spike's front, his hand found hers where she had placed it on the table and he rested his hand on top of hers stroking a small circle with his thumb across her skin.

"So, have you found out anything?" Spike asked.

"Y-yes, luckily we had all the books here and I managed to go through everything with Anya's and Xander's help." Tara began.

"Skip to the point." Spike said not wanting Buffy to wait any longer, over an hour had passed since she'd ran out of the shop and that was an hour too long for her to worry.

"I-I've double checked everything." Tara said smiling. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"Then why can Spike hurt me?" Buffy asked. Spike hold on her hand tightened just slightly at that question, trying to convey that he would never hurt her.

"Well, I said that there was nothing wrong with you, but ... you are different. Shifting you out of ... f-f-from where you were ... funnelling your essence back into your body ... i-it, it altered you on a basic molecular level. Probably just enough to confuse the sensors or whatever in Spike's chip. But it's all just surfacey physical stuff. It wouldn't have any more effect than ... a bad sunburn."

"I didn't come back wrong?"

"No, you're the same Buffy. With a deep tropical cellular tan."

Buffy let a loud sigh and a couple of tears of relief ran down her cheeks. She hadn't been prepared for good news and now that she had heard it was like a huge weight lifted off her, she turned so that she and Spike were face to face and buried her head into his neck, Spike was staring to think she liked necks more than he did.

"I'm o.k." She said bringing her head back up to look at Spike, their faces inches apart.

"You're o.k." He said brushing away a tear that had rolled down her cheek. "Always knew you would be, whatever happened."

* * *

Dawn slipped quietly back into the house, Buffy was still out like she usually was. She tiptoed upstairs unsure of where Willow was and went into her room emptying the contents of her pockets onto her bed. She managed to get quite a few good things, lipstick, jewellery. She then removed her coat uncovering the leather jacket she's stolen for Buffy, it would be the perfect birthday present and then maybe Buffy would give her some of the attention she craved. Things _had _been getting better, she was really happy for Buffy and Spike because it had made Buffy so much happier but now Buffy was spending most of her time with Spike and Dawn was being ignored as always. Nobody ever took her seriously either; they always treated her like a kid. Do they just all seem to forget that she's only just a few years younger than them. I mean Buffy had just become the Slayer at her age but they all still think she's knows nothing; they don't even notice what she's been doing. When Dawn thinks about it she can't really understand herself why she's been stealing things, it's like she just can't help herself, the things are there and she knows that she can get away with it so she just goes for it. If everyone would just be around a bit more, spend a little bit more time with her. Sometimes she just wishes… but wishes never come true do they?

TBC…


	18. Gratitude and Being there

**Authors' note: **Apologies for the delay again next chapter will be a week I promise, also sorry about the bad formatting in the last chapter, it went all weird when I previewed and edited it on and now I think there are full stops missing and text bunched up against lines, it really annoys me. The editing feature had changed and I can't get it looking how I like, I may have to create my own web site and post stuff there if I can ever be bothered. Anyway thanks again for all your reviews they were lovely as always. In answer to Aseret's question, yes I will be going to Canada, Toronto to be exact; I have some family who live there so I'm visiting them. I've reached the 100 review mark, how exciting! Well it excites me and it means you get an extra long chapter!

**Chapter 18 – Gratitude and Being there.**

Buffy was actually getting quite excited about her birthday, Anya and Xander had organised the food and Dawn was going to help put up decorations so all Buffy had to do was sit and relax! These were good times. Although she still had a bit of a nagging feeling, birthdays never did go well for her and as her and Spike patrolled together through the cemetery she suddenly felt a bit insecure and hooked her arm around Spike's silently willing it that he would not turn evil and leave her. She knew she was just being silly but when things started to go pretty well in her life that was when she always thought she should prepare for disaster.

Spike and Buffy were enjoying the embrace until a huge red horned demon holding a lethal looking sword stepped out in front of them. Buffy ducked and dodged the sword as she and Spike circled the demon looking for an opening to attack, Spike ran at it first landing a couple of punches before it kicked him back and he fell to the ground, he looked up dazed to see Buffy fighting it. She got a few good hits in causing the demon to let go of the sword sending it flying up into the air as the sword came down she caught it and ran it straight into the demons stomach. Buffy pulled the sword out which caused her to fall backwards to the ground, the sword landing a few feet away from her. Spike watched as the demon roared with pain clutching his stomach, a blue glow emitted from him and then he disappeared into the sword. Spike got up astonished and walked over to the sword to inspect it, Buffy was also back up on her feet, she went over to where Spike was just standing and looking at the sword.

"Ooh, shiny." She said as she picked it up and twirled it around.

"Luv, I don't think you're going to want that sword."

"Why not?" Buffy asked confused.

"Well that demon just went into it."

"Huh?"

"The demon disappeared… _into_ the sword."

"Well that's new."

"Give it 'ere." Spike said taking the sword off her and breaking it into two across his knee.

"Hey! That sword was nice!" Buffy said miffed that he'd broken her new toy.

"But at least now there's no big demon to worry about." Spike said feeling as though he was talking to a child.

"Good point." Buffy mumbled as she walked back to Spike's side, he wrapped an arm around her and they walked back in the direction of home.

Spike was a little nervous about tomorrow… it was her birthday and he'd got her a present, the first present he'd really ever bought her not counting the dented box of chocolates he never actually gave her just over a year or so before. So this present was special, really special and that meant she _had _to like it, love it in fact. That wasn't the only thing Spike was slightly nervous about, she was having a birthday party which meant all her friends together and he would have hang out with them, which he'd never really done before except when patrolling. He was glad now that he'd inviting Clem to come along, he felt as though he was going to need a friend.

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_Birthday so far… extremely good,_ Buffy thought. She'd been woken up that morning to some pleasurable delights in Spike's bed, unfortunately they didn't last that long because she had to get work, luckily they'd let her finish her shift early because it was her birthday and she arrived home just as they were putting the decorations up. Anya and Xander had got some lovely looking food together as well. Buffy had changed into a more 'party' outfit and greeted guests, she'd even invited Sarah from work and been very pleased with herself that she'd managed to make a new friend until Xander and Anya had teased her about it. Then presents had been opened, all very exciting, Dawn's had been a surprise and the weapons chest was beautiful. Now she was sitting eating her cake and it felt as though the evening had just started.

Music played in the living room making the house come alive as Clem and Sarah danced. Dawn watched from her place on the sofa, she was trying to have fun, it _was_ really nice to have everyone around with her. It felt like she really had some friends and she wasn't alone for once although Anya was still patronizing her and Buffy still seemed to be ignoring her but other than that things _were_ starting to look up.

Buffy was leaving the kitchen when she saw Spike swaggering towards her, _why is he always so cocky?_

"Want to slip away for a bit luv?" Spike said as he caught Buffy in the hall way.

"What? No we can't." Buffy said smiling as she let Spike run his hands under her top

"Everyone's having a great time, no one will even notice and I want you all to myself for a bit." He said seductively. "I haven't given you my present yet."

"You got me something?" Buffy asked surprised assuming she had got her present this morning.

"Of course I bloody did." Spike said pulling her closer to him so that they were pressed firmly together. "What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn't eh?"

Buffy tried not to giggle but failed, Spike using the term 'boyfriend' made it all seem so normal like they were normal people, but she and Spike were anything but. Buffy leaned up and kissed him, her tongue playing with his for a minute or so.

"Thank you." She breathed as she pulled back.

"You haven't seen what I got you yet."

"That wasn't just for the present." She said softly gazing into his eyes. A moment of silence passed between them as they showed the other they understood how much they meant to them.

Spike took Buffy's hand and silently led her up stairs so that they could have some privacy; they stopped on the landing just out view of the people downstairs and Spike reached into his pocket producing a plain black rectangular box. Buffy had a small smile playing on her lips as he gave it to her.

"Happy Birthday." He said in his rich tender voice.

Buffy slowly lifted the lid of box revealing a beautiful pendant; it was a simple silver chain which suspended a single diamond set in silver, it was stunning. Delicate, elegant and the most perfect piece of jewellery Buffy thought she'd ever been given. She gaped at it, open mouthed entranced by the diamond twinkling in the dim light.

"Wow…this is… its gorgeous!"

"So you like it?" Spike said trying to control his voice so he didn't come off sounding like a nervous ponce.

"Oh Spike, I love it!" She said wrapping her arms round him. She pulled back slowly making eye contact with him.

"Put it on for me?" She said handing him the necklace.

She turned round so her back was facing him and he unclasped the pendant lacing it round her neck, she shivered slightly as his fingers brushed over her skin, lingering on her neck for a moment longer as he hooked the necklace together. Buffy slowly turned back round to him moving her arms up to his neck, she played with the collar of his shirt a little bit before encircling her arms around him and bringing his head down for a passionate kiss. It started slow but soon the intensity of the kiss increased and they were clawing at each clothes desperate to feel the other.

"Buffy!" Dawn shouted from the bottom of the stairs. "We're going to start playing monopoly now, you coming?"

Buffy sighed pulling back from Spike. "Yeah, in a minute." She called back.

"Your sister has the worst timing." Spike grumbled as he turned to go downstairs. Buffy's hand grabbed his shoulder to stop him and he turned back to her.

"I _said_ 'in a minute'."

"Oh yeah and what exactly can we do in a…" Spike lost all conscious thought then because Buffy was on her knees in front of him and doing some very interesting things with her hands and mouth.

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A couple of hours later Buffy was still smiling smugly as she played monopoly occasionally glancing over at Spike. Spike was smiling slightly too but for different reasons, he was watching Buffy enjoying herself, something he hadn't seen her do in a while, not with all her friends like this. He was so caught up staring at her that suddenly he realised he must look like a prat because Tara was waving a hand in front of his face.

"Spike?" She said. "It's your bet."

"Oh, sorry luv." He mumbled. Tara just smiled amused by the love birds.

Across the room Dawn suddenly said excitedly, "Oh Buffy, we should totally have a sleep over."

"Uh… yeah." Buffy said agreeing but not really listening to Dawn as she continued to stare at Spike.

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The next morning Dawn, Clem and Xander sat watching cartoons, behind them on the sofa Sarah and Anya were asleep, Buffy and Spike lay cuddled up together on the floor a blanket wrapped around them, they'd fallen asleep a couple of hours ago in the middle of playing cards. Anya slowly began to wake up, looking around to see what time it was.

"Xander…" She said putting her hands on his shoulders. "Shouldn't you be getting to work?" She said sleepily.

"Huh?" Xander said engrossed by the TV. "Uh… yeah o.k." He said not moving from his position on floor still watching the cartoons.

Buffy and Spike started to stir, Buffy felt a little disappointed when she became fully conscious knowing she would have to move from her extremely comfortable position draped across Spike's chest so she tried to snuggle even closer up to him which was impossible with the way they were already pressed together. Spike groaned as Buffy rubbed against him and moved his hands down to her arse causing Buffy to moan quietly, Spike opened his eyes then realising they were in the lounge surrounded by people and regretfully stopped his actions as he didn't want to be practically having sex in front of all her friends and sister. Buffy sat up then looking at Spike slightly questionably because he had stopped touching her, it was then that she also realised they had an audience and she abruptly stood up looking round the room making sure no one was just witness to their little fumble.

Willow and Tara walked in from the kitchen.

"I should be getting to classes now." Tara said everyone

"Yeah me too." Willow said. Buffy and Xander looked round at them as they all just stood there waiting.

"I don't know why I'm not leaving." Willow said confused.

"Me too actually." Anya said who had woken up a few minutes ago. "I need to open the Magic Box."

"What are you guys talking about? Just go to the door and open it." Buffy said.

"I'm trying." Willow said helplessly.

"Alright… I will go to the door and open it for you." Buffy said confused. But nobody moved, Buffy was still standing in the same position. "I'm going to the door…now." She said mainly to herself but still she didn't move. "O.k. well this can't be good."

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They had been stuck in the house now for a whole day and everyone was feeling a bit edgy not knowing if they would ever escape this prison, Tara's spell not working had left them which not much hope and Dawn was still sulking upstairs. It had come as pretty big surprise to Buffy the way Dawn had just exploded like that. She thought everything was getting better now, that Dawn was happy… obviously not. She had tried talking to her but it had seemed to make things worse, now all she could do was go round the house and check everyone was o.k., she had no idea what else to try to get them out of the house which made her feel useless and she hated that.

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Anya tugged at her clothing as sat on the floor next to Xander

"Why is it so hot in here?" She said feeling desperate and claustrophobic

"It'll be o.k. Ahn, we'll figure a way out of here." Xander said trying to comfort her.

"But what if we don't, and we're just sitting here. Why are we just sitting here? Why aren't we doing something?"

"We are. We will. This could be a lot worse."

"How could this be worse? Trapped like animals…"

"There could be some demon trying to kill us at the same time." Xander joked.

"Right." Anya said glaring at him slightly clearly not amused.

"I'm sorry, you're just freaking out, okay? It's normal. You're just ... you're just scared. We all are. We'll come up with a plan ... and we'll get through it, all right?"

Anya nodded slowly and curled up in his arms not caring that it made her feel even more burning hot than she already was, she just hoped someone would do something soon to get them out of here.

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Downstairs everyone was just sitting around quietly, not knowing what to do. Spike made eye contact with Buffy silently beckoning her over to him. She walked over to where he stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm going to try talking to Dawn." He said.

"Alright, but last time I went up there she practically bit my head off so good luck."

"It's not your fault." He whispered, brushing some hair back from her face.

"Isn't it? I'm the one who hasn't been here for her to talk to."

"You've been adjusting to living in the world again," Spike said seriously. "You can't be responsible for everything."

"But I'm responsible for _her_."

"Look I'll have a little chat with the bit, see if she's calmed down and you can talk to her." Buffy nodded and Spike turned to go upstairs but then she stopped him placing a hand on his shoulder, he turned back to her.

"Thank you." She said softly.

"You know I'm still not getting used to this gratitude thing." He said with a smirk before walking up the stairs.

Spike walked cautiously into Dawn's room not wanting the teen to start screaming again.

"Alright nibblet?"

"What would you care?" Dawn said getting up and walking out into the hallway and into Buffy's room to get away from him. Spike followed her not liking that he had practically turned into a puppy for the Summer's women.

"Dawn would you a stop a minute?" He said and she came to halt sitting down on the bed. "Now what was that this morning? You seemed to be bloody angry at everyone." He said sitting down next to her.

"Well at least that was something people noticed." Dawn said before she sighed and continued. "When I'm around everybody else always seems to want to be else where." She said looking up to Spike.

"What? That's not-" Spike began but Dawn cut him off.

"Even we don't hang out like we used too, as soon as Buffy came back I wasn't important anymore." Dawn said tears forming in her eyes.

"Dawn that's not true, you're important to all of us, Buffy especially." Spike said placing an awkward hand on her shoulder. They sat there for a minute or so in silence while Spike tried to comfort Dawn. "Now are you going to let her talk to you?" He finally asked.

"Alright, but she still thinks I did this and I didn't do any-"

"She just wants to talk Dawn." Spike said cutting off. He left the room and fetched Buffy so that the two sisters could patch things up and then maybe they could all work on getting out of the house. He watched as Buffy walked slowly into the bedroom and sat down on the bed next to her sister and listened from just down the hallway to their conversation.

"It's not like I meant for this to happen." Dawn said.

"I never said that you did." Buffy replied softly.

"I didn't want this."

"What did you want?"

"Nothing."

"Dawn, come on."

"No. You don't know! You have this thing you do. You have all these friends." Dawn said finally decided to tell Buffy her true feelings. "You have no idea what it's like."

"What are you talking about? I don't know what, what-"

"Being alone!" Dawn exclaimed. Spike's heart almost broke at her anguished words.

"You're not alone."

"Then why do I feel like this?"

Spike moved down the stairs then feeling like he was intruding on a private conversation. His mind was racing, they were stuck in a house, had an angsty teen to deal with and his relationship with Buffy was better than ever… he didn't know which one of those scared him most at the moment.

He was brought out of his thoughts by Dawn running down the stairs followed closely by Anya.

"I work hard at that store, and I helped you!" Anya said grabbing Dawn's arm and turning her around. "I took care of you. This is how you say 'thank you'?"

Spike realised what they were on about and his eyes turned to the jacket the same moment Buffy's did. He was almost as surprised as everyone else that Dawn had been stealing things… almost. The way Dawn had been feeling, the whirling of teenage hormones, when he really thought about it… it was only a matter of time before something like this was going to happen.

"How are we supposed to trust you, Dawn? I mean, you ... you say you didn't put us here, but look at this stuff! How are we supposed to believe you?" Anya said anguished.

"Look, I-I don't think she- I don't think it's all her fault, okay? She ... there was a guidance counsellor, or someone pretending to be a guidance counsellor, she, she made Dawn make a wish." Buffy said.

"Guidance counsellor? You made a wish to someone you've never seen before?" Anya said astounded.

"Yeah?" Dawn said nervous.

"Did she wear a pendant with a, with a dark blue stone?"

"And little red flecks?"

"Uhh, for crying out loud. Halfrek!" She yelled angry her supposed friend had done this to her, made her go crazy with claustrophobia. "It's Halfrek, a vengeance demon. You made a wish to a vengeance demon."

"I didn't know." Dawn said remorseful.

"Only a vengeance demon can break her own vengeance spell. Nothing else will work. She's the only one who can get us out of here." Anya said before yelling again. "Hallie, get your ass down here!"

Suddenly Halfrek appeared just behind Anya in a puff of smoke.

"You rang?" She said in a deep voice.

"Hallie, how could you? Why would you do this?" Anya said

"I told you I was going to take care of some business while I was here in town." Halfrek said her voice returning to normal.

"Yeah, but cursing us? Some of them are in the wedding party."

"I just go where I'm-" Halfrek paused suddenly catching sight of Spike. "William?" She whispered shocked.

"Hey, wait a minute." Spike said frowning.

"You guys know each other?" Buffy said jealously threatening to rise in her.

"Uh, no." Halfrek said laughing slightly. "No."

"Not really." Spike mumbled still frowning. Buffy was intrigued and made a mental note to question Spike about this later.

After some more confusion and then Halfrek's amusing attempts to leave the curse was finally lifted and Halfrek was gone, everyone took a collective sigh of relief and all seemed excited that they would finally be leaving. Buffy just looked pensive though, Halfrek's words had hit her hard, _'I could hear her crying out everywhere I went in this town. It was unbearable. And none of you knew.' _Spike went over to her and placed a reassuring hand on her lower back, he didn't know what else to do. He knew her birthdays had never gone well in the past and he'd hoped this year would break that tradition. He couldn't imagine what she was feeling now, he was glad she and Dawn had talked some stuff out already, things would get better between them now. Buffy's face still looked pained though and he hated that.

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Willow smiled as Tara left the kitchen, _she was actually proud of her, _well it had seemed that way from what she'd said, yeah there had been the initial madness from finding out she was still keeping some magic supplies in the house but apart from that and being all stuck in the house for 24 hours they'd spent some quality time together and it had been nice, really nice. She hoped that Tara felt the same way, at least they were talking again now. She was also smiling because as Tara had said 'she had said no' no to the magic and the temptation so Willow was proud of herself.

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Everyone walked out into the freedom of the night air, Buffy leaned over and gave Spike a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow." She whispered. Spike nodded to both of them and headed out. Dawn's face lit up as she realised Buffy was staying with her. The door clicked shut and Buffy turned back to Dawn her expression grim, Dawn's smile faded.

"O.k. now we're going to have a serious talk! Stealing! Dawn how could you?"

"I don't know… I'm sorry o.k., I can't explain-"

"Try."

Dawn sighed not knowing if she could ever find the right words. "Nobody seemed to notice me anyway… so I figured it was easy to get away with and after I did it once it just kinda spiralled out of control."

"Everyone cares about you Dawn and we notice," Dawn looked at Buffy pointedly as if to say 'you didn't notice this, it took a vengeance demon spell for you to notice.' "Alright we didn't exactly notice this big thing but I guess everyone's been thinking about their own problems lately." Buffy said with a sigh.

"I guess."

"Dawn I know things have been hard and I haven't been there for you as much as I should have been… but I've been trying and things have been getting better haven't they?"

"Yeah they have… I just… I miss you sometimes."

"Well beginning from now we're going to be spending lots more time together."

"We are?" Dawn asked hopefully.

"Uh huh! Starting with going shopping and returning everything you stole." Buffy said with a smile.

"Oh."

"But after that we'll actually do something fun." Buffy said sincerely as she put her arm around her sister. Dawn smiled too relieved that her punishment wasn't too bad. Hopefully it wouldn't take her too long to work off her guilt and at least there were no more surprises for them now.

TBC…

_A/N: I just loved 'Older and far away', the birthday party was really funny so I kept to the episode quite a bit. _


	19. No regrets

**Author's note:** Anyanka0705 – I'm sorry if you don't like how I have used lots of lines from the show, but I wanted to deal with all the stuff that happened in season six and this is the way I decided to do it, I wanted to take you through what happens to everyone but obviously with Buffy and Spike's relationship changing things slightly, in the last chapter a lot things I imagined would play out the same so therefore I used many of the lines. If you don't like the way I write my own story I suggest you don't read it. If you actually take my whole story in to account so far I haven't used that many lines from the show, it's only been in the last 5 or so chapters. Thanks to all my regular reviewers, Aseret, Amandamanda3, and Descendant of doom. It means a lot to me that you take the time to review every chapter! Also sorry this one took a bit longer than I said, but my chapters are getting much longer now and I'm desperately trying to find time to get some inspiration and sit down and write. More reviews might help!

**Chapter 19 – No regrets.**

It was a typical morning at the Summer's house, everyone was in the kitchen getting breakfast and Xander had just arrived to hang out for bit before taking Dawn to school. They were chatting about random things, Buffy wasn't participating in much of the conversation though because she was getting anxious about her first self-defence class which was tonight. She'd done all the advertising for it, planned what she would do in the class and now all she had to do was wait until tonight for people to turn up. Dawn watched Buffy and smiled as she paced around the kitchen fiddling with breakfast things and asking Dawn for the third time if she had everything she needed for school. Since Buffy's birthday everyone had been putting in more effort to spend time with Dawn especially Buffy, Dawn was almost starting to feel that they were making _too_ much of an effort for her until they assured her it was no effort and they should have all spend more time together as a group anyway, hanging out when there _wasn't_ an apocalypse coming. That made Dawn feel less of a burden and happier with herself. She was even being to pluck up the courage to ask Buffy she if would take her out patrolling with and teach her some stuff, she knew it would be a long shot but Dawn had begun working out how to take things slow with Buffy and how to be nice to her without her sister catching on that she was being extra nice to get something from her.

"Hey Buffy can I sit in on your first class after school today?" Dawn asked excitedly

"Of course Dawn, at least that actually guarantees me of one person being there."

"Buffy people are going to show up." Willow assured her.

"But what if there are no self-defence classes in Sunnydale for a reason… because everyone hates them here or something." Buffy said looking anxious.

"Buffy you're panicking. Something which I know all about seeing as I'm getting married in a few days and I have hundreds of things to do as well as my family to control not to mention all the demons that are coming to town-"

"Xander." Buffy said stopping his ramble.

"Sorry, I mentioned I was panicking right?"

"Everything will be fine sweetie." Willow said putting a reassuring hand on Xander's back.

"Thanks." Xander said. _Although I'm not sure everything will be._

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That evening it turned out Buffy's self-defence class was a complete success, fifteen or so people had turned up, Buffy was actually pleased there hadn't been any more otherwise it would have been a squeeze in the training room. She suddenly thought she may have to find some other area to hold her class, or make more sessions and people could book which one, so she knew how many people would attend each class. She couldn't believe this was actually successful and she was having to think about expanding and making it into a proper business and line of work for her! Buffy smiled to herself as she relaxed back in a chair, all the thinking and teaching had worn her out a little but she was still definitely smiling!

"Well I feel a congratulatory drink at the Bronze is in order." Willow said beaming.

"Yes! I also feel like celebrating with the hoards of money I made from Buffy's customers." Anya said delighted. Buffy just smiled at Anya's enthusiasm towards her money.

"I'm not too tired for that, let's go!" Buffy said as she jumped up from her seat feeling giddy with joy.

They all got up and headed for the door when it opened and Buffy came face to face with Riley, well really it was face to chest because Riley was extremely tall, _was he always that tall?_. The shop was halted in silence and Buffy stared up at him for a moment.

"Riley?" She said not really sure if he was actually there.

"Buffy. Hey everyone, sorry to be abrupt but I haven't got much time and I need your help." He said looking seriously at Buffy.

"What's going on?"

"Suvolte demon, extremely dangerous, been tracking it half way around the world, now it's in Sunnydale."

"Right." Buffy said amazed at how fast everything seemed to be moving, one minute she going out with her friends, her life's progressing naturally, next her ex comes through the door and a demon needs to be killed.

"Sorry guys." Buffy said to turning back to her friends. "I'm going to have to take a rain check on celebrations." She said feeling extremely disappointed. Her friends just nodded understandingly and she and Riley were out the door before anyone had a chance to even say anything to him.

When they were outside Riley brought out a tracking device and Buffy walked with next him her mind racing, Riley was back, he was actually back. It was more than a little strange to see him, in fact it was very strange. They fell into step with each other and it was almost like old times, tracking a demon down together, patrolling, but there was a slight air of awkwardness, neither of them saying anything. Buffy suddenly thought of Spike and then how she would probably have to tell Riley, now _that_ was going to be an interesting conversation.

"So anything else I need to know?" She said breaking the slightly uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah, these demons need to be stopped. We've been tear-assing through every jungle from Paraguay up, taking out nests. As soon as we put one Suvolte down, a dozen take its place. They're breeders, Buffy. One turns into ten, ten becomes a hundred. This gets out of hand and there's a war with humans? Humans are gonna lose."

"Right, so this is serious as always." Buffy said sighing as looked up at Riley, she wondered when her life would ever get less complicated, I mean her ex comes to town and it's straight to business because there's a demon that could kill everybody.

They continued walking along the street in silence until Riley suddenly spoke.

"What were you celebrating?" Riley asked.

"I've um… just set up my own self-defence class, now I can train and make money!"

"That's great! ... So it looks like you've really got your life together… you look really happy." Riley said.

"I am." Buffy said softly a smile playing on her lips.

Suddenly the Suvolte demon jumped out into the street, people ran screaming as it roared knocking things flying.

Buffy rushed towards the demon wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible so that she could go out with her friends and then meet up with Spike like she had arranged earlier. Pure determination was on her face as she grabbed hold of the demon, it knocked her back and she landed a few feet away from it on her back, she quickly regained her footing and attacked it again this time getting a good hold on its head and breaking its neck. She stood back triumphantly and smiled at Riley.

"Job done." She said.

"You killed it…" Riley said not sounding happy.

"Well yeah… Slayer. I kill the demons… isn't that what you wanted?" She said looking at him incredulously.

"Sorry, it's my fault, this was a homing operation. We wanted this demon to lead us to where it's eggs are."

"Oh." Buffy said suddenly feeling extremely guilty she had killed the demon.

"Don't worry about it, I'll just radio this into Sam, fill her in." He said getting his radio out.

"Sam? She's your partner?"

"Actually in more ways than one." He said as Buffy looked at him curiously. "Sam, she's um… my wife." Riley said then turning away and speaking into the radio.

Buffy just stood staring into nothing trying to comprehend what he had just told her, _Riley was married, married! _Buffy was still open-mouthed when Riley turned back to her.

"You got married?" Buffy said not able to disguise the shock in her voice.

"Yep!" Riley said. "I can't wait for you to meet her, Sam's amazing." He said excitedly.

And he was right of course Sam was amazing Buffy thought as she was introduced her and they chatted. She was so nice in fact that Buffy couldn't hate her, not even a little bit and what surprised Buffy most was that she didn't want to hate her, she was really happy for Riley. She had treated him pretty badly the last few months of their relationship and she was glad he had found someone. She smiled at them, the way they were together, as they all walked back to the Magic Box, they had decided they could regroup there and decide what to do next.

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They all walked into the shop and everyone looked up at their arrival. Sam stood at the back just behind Riley.

"Wow Buff, that was record slaying time!" Xander said

"Well unfortunately since Riley didn't tell me they wanted the demon alive now we have to find where its eggs are and we have no idea where to start looking."

"Oh… still you took down one pretty fast, how hard are a bunch of eggs gonna be?" Xander said.

"Pretty hard actually, theses things start to kill the minute they're hatched, and a Suvolte can spawn anything from ten to twenty eggs." Sam said as she stepped forward standing at Riley's side and everyone in Magic Box looked to her and then Riley expectantly.

"Um everyone… this is Sam, my wife, Willow, Xander, that's Dawn and Anya." Riley said introducing everyone.

"Hi." Sam said to the group of people.

The gang were stunned into silence, until Xander stepped forwards shaking both their hands and smiling.

"Wow, congratulations."

"I hear you're getting hitched yourself. Believe me, you're gonna love it." Riley said smiling at Sam.

"Congratulations, really, both of you." Willow said stepping forward and giving Riley a hug. "It's good to see you." She said.

"Yeah sorry about rushing in and out like that before, nice to see you to Willow," Riley said. "Hey Dawn." He called over to the teen who was standing back her arms folded and not looking very happy. "Geez look at you. I think you grew a foot and a half." He said.

"A lot can happen in year." She said glowering.

"Well it's good to see you anyway."

"So any idea when these eggs are going to hatch?" Buffy said breaking the little moment of awkwardness caused by Dawn's scowling.

"Hatching's not the problem." Riley said.

"We think they're going to be sold on the black market. There are some foreign military powers that would love to have their own Suvolte. You could never train it, but drop it on an urban population..." Sam said.

"And it cleanses the area." Riley finished.

"Is that a nice way of saying it kills people?" Dawn said still glaring at Riley.

"Lots of 'em. Money's been exchanged. There's a dealer in town, calls himself the, The Doctor. Willow, you think you can help with a little locating spell?" Sam said.

"I can't do the magicks." Willow said quietly.

"Oh, Riley says you're coming on as one major-league Wicca."

"I got addicted. The way addicts do." Willow said bitterly and turned walking away into the back training room.

Buffy watched as Willow walked away and hoped she was alright, Willow had been doing better especially with her and Tara talking now, she turned back to the table of assembled people her mind back on the business at hand.

"I should go to Spike's, he still knows most of what the word on the street is about these things, he could find this dealer for us." Buffy said.

"Spike? He's still around huh? I thought he would have left town or be dust by now, guess he's just too stubborn huh?!" Riley said joking. Nobody make a sound though not knowing what to say to Riley about Spike, Dawn looked pointedly at Buffy though. Buffy just coughed slightly clearing her throat before she spoke.

"Uh… yeah." She said looking round the room. "Well we should get right on this."

"I'll come with you, seeing Spike again should be interesting," Riley said as Anya, Dawn ad Xander tried to hide their amused smiles, he didn't know how interesting it was going to be. "Sam, can you check out some of those other leads?"

"Sure." Sam said as she walked out to the back room to where Willow had gone.

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Willow smiled as they all left she had really wanted to hate Sam for Buffy's sake, it was the best friends' job, but unfortunately she had just been so damn nice about her magic addiction that she couldn't. She'd made her feel really proud of herself for being able to quit and sticking with it. Willow didn't feel too bad about not being able to hate her though because Buffy didn't seem too upset that Riley was with the happily married life now, she didn't even seem to bat an eyelid when they were being all touchy feely with each other, she guessed it was because she had Spike now and there was nothing to be jealous of. Willow then wished that she could see Riley's face when Buffy told him about Spike, that would be a snapshot moment.

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"There's something you should know." Buffy said suddenly to Riley after they'd been walking for a bit through the cemetery. She had been racking her brains on how exactly to tell Riley about Spike. He was going to be surprised however she said it so in the end she just decided to wing it.

"What?" Riley said stopping and looking at her, sensing the seriousness in her tone.

"Spike and I… well… we're… we're together."

"Together? As in…"

"A couple."

"But… How? Why?" Riley said not really comprehending what Buffy was saying like it was all some big joke, obviously he knew Spike had had a thing for her for a while but he never really believed Spike would ever actually have a chance to be with Buffy. She was too good for him.

"I love him." Buffy said simply.

"What? You can't… I mean… this is Spike."

"I know." Buffy said. The look on Riley's face showed that wasn't enough of an explanation for him and Buffy didn't know where to start to make him understand. "Look Riley a lots changed since you left… my mum died, a God almost destroyed the world until I died to save it then I was in heaven but… Willow brought me back and…" She trailed off then as she caught the amazed look on Riley's face and decided that maybe that was enough information for now.

"Wow… I'm sorry." He said.

"Oh… don't worry, the dieing part wasn't really that bad and it was part of this whole destiny gift thing anyway-" She said light-heartedly.

"No about your mum."

"Oh… thank you." She said softly.

"So this is why you're so happy." He said as they continued walking.

"It is."

Riley was silent for a minute as he just looked straight ahead.

"Then I'm happy for you." He said finally. "He's a lucky guy."

They continued walking in silence until Riley's radio beeped and a voice came through, "Ri come in, over."

"Go ahead Sam." Riley said as he stopped and Buffy carried on walking further ahead of him.

"I've checked out a couple of those leads you gave me, they both say this Spike guy is the one who has the eggs."

"What?" Riley said quietly back into the radio looking round at where Buffy was to see if she had heard.

"Thought I'd give you a heads up as you're going to see this vamp."

"Thanks Sam, I'll be careful, over."

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Buffy pushed open the crypt door and Spike was there standing right in front of her

"Hey." She said softly. "What are you doing there?" She asked as she walked down the couple of steps.

"Felt you coming didn't I luv?" He said closing the distance between them and kissing her, Buffy melted into the kiss leaning into him and wrapping her arms around his neck. Suddenly there was cough from behind them and they stopped looking round. Riley stood at the entrance of the crypt just behind them, Buffy ducked her head looking slightly embarrassed but stayed in Spike's embrace. When Spike had begun kissing her she'd completely forgotten Riley was with her.

"Well look whose back in town." Spike said.

"Uh… yeah, Riley's here on a mission, we came to see if you knew anything about some demon eggs being sold in town." Buffy said as Riley and Spike glared at each other.

"Oh I think Spike knows a lot." Riley said before Spike had a chance to answer. "Don't you Doctor."

Buffy looked shocked at Riley.

"Come again?" Spike said looking completely confused.

"What are talking about Riley? Spike _can't_ be this dealer."

"Buffy that was Sam just on the radio." Riley said breaking eye contact with Spike for the first time since he'd arrived and turning to Buffy. "She said the people she spoke to all said Spike was the guy."

"Oh right and people in Sunnydale are _so_ reliable."

"Have you forgotten what he is? What he's capable of? Spike's deadly ... amoral ... opportunistic. _Why_ exactly do think he hasn't done this?" Riley said.

"Because he's changed, he _wouldn't_ do this." Buffy said firmly. "Plus I would know if there were any eggs in this place because I was here all last night and this morning."

Spike smiled from where he stood behind Buffy, when he'd first seen Riley, some fear had actually set in him that he was going to lose Buffy, that she would run back to her safe and boring relationship with him. But now she was standing up for him, it was blood brilliant! He also realise that Buffy must have already told him about their relationship because he hadn't batted a eye lid when he walked in on them kissing and that made his heart swell, the way she was honest about it now… she wasn't ashamed of him, the only thing that would complete the delight he was feeling would be if Angel was here to find out as well!

"As a matter of fact some guy did come here the other day offering me some money to keep some eggs or something but I didn't accept." Spike said smirking at Riley.

"Funny but I don't believe you." Riley said. "And I'm going to tear this place apart until I find that nest."

He walked around the crypt searching, he looked all round the top and then went down to the lower level, Buffy called at him to stop but he took no notice, Buffy and Spike followed him down to the lower level where there was nothing to be found.

"Sorry to disappoint you white bread, don't have your eggs." He said. "I know where they might be though." Spike said smirking again.

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They all walked down into the dark basement, moisture was dripping from the ceiling. This was the place the so called 'doctor' would go to next for someone to keep his eggs for him. As Spike had led them here the tension had been clear between him and Riley, the trip had been mainly silent and Buffy hadn't known what to do to make the situation less uncomfortable so she had just stayed close to Spike's side as they had walked to this place, she knew how insecure he could get now and she didn't want Spike to get any silly ideas about her and Riley.

They all fanned out around the basement all on their guard as they looked around. Buffy's eyes widened as she turned a corner and a pile of demon eggs faced her.

"Guys!" She called, Riley and Spike appearing behind her instantly. "Think I've found the eggs."

"Whoever's keeping these messed up, they have to be kept frozen or…" Riley broke off as the eggs suddenly began to hatch and baby demons jumped out screeching.

"We're going to need more weapons" Riley said backing away as he handed Buffy a gun.

They were all slowly backing away as more demons ran at them, crawling over the walls and ceiling. Buffy attempted to use the gun Riley had given her but her aim was so useless she ended up using it to just hit a demon as it came at her face.

"Get out of here!" Spike said.

"Spike no, you can't fight these things, come on I have an idea." She said as she noticed Riley's grenade belt and grabbed it off him. Spike caught on to her idea and smirked knowingly.

"Now let's get out of here." She shouted. Riley ran up the narrow stairs followed closely by Spike and then Buffy, when she was at the top she pulled the pin out of one grenade and through it down into the basement along with the belt and then quickly went through the door shutting it behind her and driving to the ground. Spike was right beside her as she dived and he covered her body with his own protecting her. The grenades exploded shaking the building they were in, when it subsided they all slowly climbed to their feet. Spike tenderly brushed some dirt from Buffy's face and ran his hands lightly over her shoulders and down her arms silently checking she wasn't hurt. Riley watched the display amazed at how concerned Spike was for Buffy and the affection and love he could see they had for one another, he hadn't really believed it before but now watching them he was almost jealous, almost because he reminded himself he had loving wife who he was also madly in love with waiting for him.

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They were all congregated in the Magic Box saying their goodbyes, Xander was still trying to get all the wedding tips he could from Sam and Buffy grinned slightly at his antics. She and Sam had ended up alone for a bit earlier and they'd talked, Buffy guessed Sam had wanted to talk to her privately to clear the air or something. Buffy had been pretty taken aback when Sam had called her legendary, that was when the conversation had taken a serious turn as they talked about Riley.

_"He thinks… I let him go." _

_"Do you wish you hadn't?" Sam said _

_"I wish things had been different… I never treated Riley like he deserved, I don't think we ever would have lasted, not really…I just didn't love him in the same way he loved me." Buffy said amazed that she was admitting this to Riley's wife of all people. _

_"I didn't mean to put you on the spot, Buffy. There's no bad guys in this one. The only thing that could ... help Riley work it out was time. Lots of time. Took him a year to get over you."_

_"I'm glad he's over me." Buffy said. _

_"And now you're with Spike." Sam said. "You look really happy together." _

_"We are… I know it must be really weird for you to understand, I mean a Slayer dating her second vampire."_

_"You dated a vampire before him?" Sam said taken aback._

_"Yeah he had soul though, it's not like I just date every dead guy I meet." Buffy said joking. Sam just smiled looking slightly bemused. _

_"Well if you and Spike ever decide to give married life a go I'd love an invite!" Sam said. _

_Buffy was the one taken aback then for a moment, she stared at Sam wondering if it was some kind of joke but concluded that she was being deadly serious._

_"Um… well I don't know, him being a vampire and all… we haven't really talked about it… or thought about it at all." Buffy said suddenly stumbling over all her words. _

Their conversation had ended there as Spike walked up to Buffy placing a hand on her back in a gentle touch.

"I think soldier boy's all ready to go." He announced.

"You spoke to Riley." Buffy said sounded surprised that they were both still alive… or alive as they both could be in Spike's case.

"Uh huh." Spike said with nod. In truth it had only really been a few words… but it had been enough to satisfy them both and bring their hate/hate relationship to more of a truce.

_"You know I'll kill you if you ever hurt her right?" Riley said suddenly._

_"Of course… but I'd stake myself first if that ever happened." Spike replied. "And there's her bunch of mates that protect her almost as well as she protects this world." He added. _

_"I still can't really believe all that trying finally paid off." Riley said think about the conversation they'd had when he'd confronted Spike about his feelings for Buffy. _

_"Me neither." Spike said as he looked over to where Buffy was talking with Sam and smiled. _

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Riley, Buffy and Spike stood outside the Magic Box, Spike's arm was wrapped possessively around Buffy's waist showing Riley she was his now and plus he loved rubbing it in his face. Although he _was_ loving it until Buffy asked him if she could have a minute alone with Riley. He said yes of course but in a tone saying he wasn't happy about it. Buffy just kissed him soft and tenderly as a thank you and Spike walked back inside the shop. Riley just waited as Buffy turned to him wondering what she didn't want Spike around for.

"Riley, that night... I never got the chance ... to tell you ... how sorry I was. About what happened between us." She said.

"And you never have to." Riley said. "Everything worked out… for the both of us, so no regrets."

Buffy smiled and nodded slightly to him agreeing. The door to the Magic shop opened then and Sam and Xander came out followed by Dawn, Willow, Anya and Spike. They all said goodbye to Sam, hugging except for Spike, hugs were not his thing with people he had only just met, in fact he didn't hug in general unless it was Buffy of course.

"So you going to say goodbye this time, or just ... split all secret-agenty like last time?" Dawn said still glaring slightly at Riley.

"Depends. I warrant a hug?"

Dawn stepped forward hugging him her eyes closing tight shut.

"Goodbye, Dawn." Riley said as he pulled back.

"I thought it would suck less this time. It doesn't." Dawn said as Riley just smiled fondly at her.

The sound of a helicopter filled the air and above them lights from it shone down, the gang waved and called goodbye as Riley and Sam were lifted into the air and flown away. Spike was standing by Buffy's side and stayed there as everyone else went back inside the shop.

"Well that was interesting…" Spike said breaking the silence. Buffy just turned to look at him tilting her head slightly at his statement. "It must have been weird for you to see him, married life and all." He said.

"I don't know… I guess it was a little weird…" Buffy said trailing off, Spike just looked at her questioningly and waited for her to continue. "I left Riley behind me a long time ago… so it was good to see that he'd moved on."

"He threatened to kill me you know." Spike said casually. "If I ever hurt you."

"I wouldn't expect anything less." Buffy said wrapping her arms around Spike and leaning in to kiss him, the kiss was short and sweet but they stayed in the others embrace as they turned walking back into the shop.

TBC…


	20. Can't Imagine

**Authors' note: **Bigthanks to everyone who reviewed… one more chapter to follow which will be up hopefully by Christmas or 26th at the latest!

**Chapter 20 – Can't imagine. **

Buffy still couldn't stop thinking about what Sam had said to her about if she and Spike ever decided to get married. And with Xander and Anya's wedding tomorrow… marriage started to play heavy on her mind. Buffy had never thought about marriage before, it was always something people did when they were older than herself and Buffy always imagined she'd be dead before she would face any option about it. But when Sam had mentioned marriage to her there was the initial shock but then after that when the idea settled in her head she had warm fuzzy feelings when she thought about Spike and her getting married and spending the rest of their lives together as husband and wife. Unfortunately her dream shattered when she realised with Spike being a vampire they could never grow old together or do any of the normal things that came along with married life… kids, days in the park together. Buffy sighed at the thought but then quickly brushed it aside and thanked the heavens for what she did have, a loving passionate relationship that had helped her live in the world again without finding every second hell. She looked over to the man walking beside her, they were patrolling through their third graveyard of the night and so far practically no action.

"So are you all ready for tomorrow?" Buffy asked.

"What you'd mean ready luv?"

"The wedding, have you got a tux and stuff to wear or a suit or something?" She asked casually.

"I'm _not_ wearing a bleeding tux!" Spike said defiantly.

"I was just teasing." Buffy said smiling. "Can't imagine you in one anyway." She said laughing slightly.

"Thought you were quite good at imagining." Spike said seductively as his mood suddenly changed to lust. He moved closer to Buffy his arms encircling her waist and then suddenly he lifted her up and placed her so that she was sitting on a grave stone. He dived towards her neck, kissing it up and down and then gently sucking, Buffy moaned leaning into his touch, his lips moved up to her ear.

"Can you imagine what I'm going to do to you when we get to my crypt?" He whispered, his lips caressing the shell of her ear. Buffy simply moaned, she seemed unable to form any actual words with the way Spike's mouth was worshipping her. His hands weren't idle either, they were running over her thighs kneading and stroking moving nearer and nearer to her centre. Buffy got tired of waiting though and without warning quickly wrapped her legs around Spike and pulled him firmly against her for some much needed friction. Their sighs and gasps were swallowed by the night air as they held on to each other and safe to say they didn't make it to Spike's crypt.

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The next morning Buffy stood alongside Willow staring in horror at herself in the mirror, what had ever possessed Anya to pick these bridesmaid dresses? Did she secretly hate them or something? Apparently not as she seemed to think they looked beautiful. Luckily the door rang downstairs then and Buffy was able to extract herself from the fierce hug that Anya had pulled her and Willow in to.

Buffy opened the door and gasped at the sight before her, Spike was wearing a suit, an actual suit. It wasn't a tux but still she had never seen him wear anything so smart and… different! It was a plain black suit and he wore a white shirt with it which was open collar with no tie, he looked very sexy… in fact so sexy that Buffy played with the idea of pulling him roughly inside and jumping his bones right then and there. But it seemed less of a god idea when she remembered Willow and Anya were just a few feet away upstairs.

"Hey…" She said finally staring at him amazed.

"Hello luv." He said stepping inside. "You look…"

"Radioactive?"

Spike chuckled slightly before speaking seriously. "No I was going to say beautiful, you always look beautiful." He said sweeping her into his arms and kissing her.

"Well thank you." Buffy said. "You though…" She said pausing as she took the sight of him in again. "You look incredible."

"That's what I love to hear, lots of compliments." Spike said smirking.

"But you didn't have to dress up, I never expected-"

"That's why I did, to surprise you and as you've already mentioned I don't look half bad." Spike said smiling because he was so pleased that Buffy had liked his clothes, he had half expected her to just start laughing at him. She kept surprising him all the time in so many different ways that he just thought it appropriate that he surprise her.

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Tara and Willow were casting each other shy flirty glances as they helped Anya with her dress and listened to her numerous vows. The way Tara was smiling at her made Willow really believe they could be friends again or maybe even more. With everyone in happy relationships 'love was all around', to quote a sappy song, and Willow wanted some of that love coming her way.

After Buffy had helped Xander get ready she was having a busy time keeping his parent away from the bar and the demons and Harris family from a full scale war, after a while she started to wonder where Spike was when she really needed him.

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Spike was just outside the entrance of the lodge having a fag before the ceremony began when Xander appeared, he looked ready to walk straight out into the rain when he noticed Spike.

"Uh… hey." Xander said.

"Alright." Spike said nodding to him and then stamping out the cigarette under his shoe. "Don't tell Buffy I was smoking… she thinks I'm trying to quit for her."

"Sorry to spoil the party for you but Buffy's got a nose like a greyhound, she'll probably smell it on you before I get a chance to tell her." Xander's attempt at his usual witty comment fell dead because of the sad smile on his face.

"Right… so skipping the rest of our usual pleasantries, what are you doing out here?"

"I just… um… needed some air you know?"

"Fair enough…" Spike said.

They were both silent for a minute as they stared out into the rain until Xander suddenly spoke.

"Do you ever think that a decision that should be the right one in every way is ever the wrong one?"

"I'm not following." Spike said looking at Xander seriously; this isn't exactly the way you should be talking on your wedding day he thought.

"There's just… um…. we make so many choices, everyday, that shape our future, change things so that they're good or bad… or sometimes bad or worse…" He said trailing off.

"Are you alright?" Spike asked concerned about the way Xander was talking.

"I don't even know anymore…." Xander said. "I don't know what to do." He whispered mainly to himself but Spike hearing picked up on it.

"I'll go get Buffy or someone… just stay here alright, don't move." Spike said as he went back inside.

Xander stayed where he was and took a deep breath looking out into the rain, all of a sudden the old man who claimed to be him appeared beside him.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked sounding distressed. "You know you can't marry her."

"But now maybe that I've seen what happens, we could make things better somehow… change it." Xander said desperately.

"No you can't… you don't belong together."

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"Buffy!" Spike called across the room catching sight of her trying to keep the guests entertained.

"Oh Spike." Buffy said relieved to see him. "There you are. Have you seen Xander? He's missing."

"That's why I came to get you, he's outside and needs a friend to talk to and I'm not exactly the best culprit."

"What's going on?" Buffy asked sounding worried.

"I'm not sure but from what I can tell he seems to be reconsidering getting married at the moment." Spike said putting it bluntly.

"What!?" Buffy exclaimed not understanding why he would ever want to walk away from Anya, they were the perfect couple.

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"Xander." Buffy said startling him and the old man as she appeared at the door. "Who are you?" She said to the old guy

"Nobody." He said ignoring her and looking back to Xander. "This can never work." He said.

"Xand?" Buffy questioned confused as to what was going on.

"I'm just so confused…" Xander said looking at the old man.

"Xander!" Anya exclaimed suddenly appearing. "What's going on? Where have you been? Dawn said you were missing." She asked worried.

"Oh for crying out loud!" The old man said as he then began to change and transformed into a very large demon, Anya and Xander stepped back shocked.

"I was going to do this the easy way Anyanka, make your fiancé run away and then watch as you cry over him." The demon said as he loomed over them.

"Who are you?" Anya asked.

"Remember Chicago? South Side, 1914?"

Anya looked blankly at him.

"Stewart Burns. Philanderer! You'd think you'd remember. I remember you. But then again, you ruined my life." The demon said angrily.

"You were a ... I punished you." Anya said faintly remembering.

"That's right. And now I'm here to punish you." The demon said as he hit Anya across the face

"Anya!" Buffy called as she watched her friend fly backwards back into the main hall. Buffy then turned her attention back to the demon, kicking and punching it, the fight moved back inside to where Anya was lying, Xander had rushed to her side and was helping her up as Spike suddenly saw what was going on. He ran over to help Buffy and together they managed to kill the demon. The congregation broke out into an enthusiastic applause as the fight had caught their attention earlier and stopped the fight they were having with each other.

"An' are you o.k.?" Xander said brushing the hair back from her face.

"Yeah… what did he try to do? To make you go away?" Anya said clinging to Xander.

"He showed me… our future and I... I hurt you."

"Oh Xander." She said sympathetically cupping his face. "Don't worry about any of that now… it was just lies, everything's fine now."

"Yeah…" Xander said looking dazed. "Just um… give me minute o.k." He said putting a smile on his face for Anya. Then he walked back over to the door again and leant against it. Buffy caught the look on his face and then glanced at Spike who nodded to her and she followed Xander to the door.

"So that demon really pulled a number on you." Buffy said.

"Yeah…"

"You were even worrying Spike a minute ago and he doesn't scare easy." Buffy said attempting to ease in to getting Xander to open up to her. "So you wanna tell me what else is going on?"

Xander looked at Buffy a mixture of shock and confusion on his face.

"I… I don't know if I'm ready…" He finally said.

"That demon just threw you, he put doubts in your head, but you don't have to worry about that anymore." Buffy said trying to make him feel better.

"No… I had these thoughts, and ... fears before this." Xander said slowly then looking to Buffy to see her reaction. Buffy seemed slightly phased at first but started to talk.

"That's only natural, making a commitment like this… you want to give Anya everything, make her happy and you don't know if you can."

"How did you-" Xander began to say but stopped himself realising it wasn't important how Buffy knew exactly how he was feeling. She answered his question anyway.

"I'm not just a pretty face you know, I know what you're feeling cause I've felt it too, you don't know if simply loving someone is going to be enough to make it last. But all you have to know is that you _do_ love them, that's all that matters." Buffy said as she thought about Spike and her.

"I know…But what-if those things I saw do happen? I mean they could…"

"Something I've learnt is that you can't live with 'what-ifs'" Buffy said. "This all may have happened too fast for you but you still want to spend the rest of your life with Anya right?"

"I can't imagine my life without her… but… I see my parents, what's happened to them… I can't do that to Anya."

"Then you won't. You're not your parents, you're much better than that Xand." Buffy said firmly.

Xander looked over to where Anya was as she tried to calm down both sides of their family and get everyone to sit down, he smiled at her, he hadn't really taken in what she looked like in her dress on account of the big demon trying to kill them but now that he could really look at her he saw how beautiful she was, he looked back to Buffy and wondered when she had become so wise about relationships, how she knew the exact right thing to say to help him clear his head of doubts. He guessed she'd had to work through her own doubts recently and that had somehow made everything clearer for her.

"So what do you want to do?" Buffy asked whole heartedly.

"I want to get married."

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As the ceremony took place Buffy stood with the bridesmaids next to Anya, Spike was standing opposite her next to Xander which he'd reluctantly agreed to so that there was more of a balance. As Anya said her beautiful if not a bit quirky vows Buffy was staring at Spike getting caught up in his eyes as he stared back at her.

_"And suddenly there was you, and ... you knew me. You saw me, and it was this ... thing. You make me feel safe and warm." _

Anya's words ran over them and Buffy realised how much they applied to her and Spike. He knew her better than anyone else has or ever would know her and he made her feel like the most loved person in the world just by looking at her.

Then as Xander spoke his vows and as Buffy watched him as he looked deep into Anya's eyes she had no doubt that they would go on forever, there may be the few hard times but they would never stop loving each other. They would end up as one of those old couples who still sit in the park holding hands. Buffy smiled watching as they were pronounced man and wife and shared a kiss as they turned to walk back down aisle Xander gave a quick look to Buffy, a silent thank you that she'd talked some sense into him.

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The reception was in full swing, the band playing, Dawn was dancing with the demon kid she had made friends with, the bride and groom were trying to get away from relatives so they could be alone together and Willow and Tara were chatting in the corner looking quite cosy.

Buffy suddenly heard a familiar song begin to play, one of her secret favourite songs in fact that she hoped no one had picked up on. She was sitting down at one of the tables and a voice from above her broke Buffy from her trance.

"I know it's not playing for the first dance but…" Spike said holding a hand to her smiling. Buffy looked up at him amazed that he'd even remembered, Willow's spell had been over two years ago… but then she remembered every second. She took his hand and he led her out to dance floor, their hands found their usual comfortable resting places on the others' body as they held each other close and softly swayed to the music.

_It must have been cold there in my shadow_  
_To__ never have sunlight on your face_  
_You were content to let me shine_  
_That's your way_  
_You always walked a step behind_

"Spike?"

"Hmm?" He murmured back, lost in the amazing feel of her body pressed tightly against his.

"Do you ever think about the future?"

"The future pet?" He inquired not fully understanding what she was talking about.

"Our future." Buffy prompted.

_So I was the one with all the glory_  
_While you were the one with all the strain_  
_A beautiful face without a name_  
_For so long_  
_A beautiful smile to hide the pain_

"Well I think about us being together… forever really." Spike said then pausing briefly. "I can't imagine my life without you."

His words reminded Buffy of what Xander had said. She looked deep into his eyes getting lost in them for a few seconds. Buffy couldn't imagine her life without Spike now either, so much had changed for both of them, building this relationship together had brought them closer to the other than they had ever been to anyone.

_Did you ever know that you're my hero?_  
_And everything I would like to be_  
_I can fly higher than an eagle_  
_For__ you are the wind beneath my wings_

Buffy brought her lips to his slowly and they brushed together in a soft kiss before she pulled back to speak.

"I don't think I could even try and imagine my life without you." She said as Spike just looked at her with awe.

_It might have appeared to go unnoticed_  
_But I've got it all here in my heart_  
_I want you to know, I know the truth_  
_Of course I've known it_  
_I would be nothing without you_

"God I love you so much." Spike said as he played with some of her hair.

Buffy knew right then that even if they never had anything official to show for it they would always belong to each other, she brought her lips back to his for a more passionate kiss showing him how much she loved him.

_Did you ever know that you're my hero?_  
_You're everything I wish I could be_  
_I can fly higher than an eagle_  
_For__ you are the wind beneath my wings_

She rested her head on his shoulder then and relaxed completely in his embrace and then Spike felt her abruptly stiffen and moved her head back up and looked at him.

"Have you been smoking?" She suddenly asked.

"Uh… no… some other people were smoking round me though." He said blatantly lying.

"That's the lamest excuse ever!"

"Fine alright I had a fag, look I agreed to not smoke in the house but you can't expect me to totally give up."

"But you said you would quit remember? I when I told you I would do those other _things_ as a reward." Buffy said her voice becoming a whisper at the end.

"Luv, I would've agreed to anything with what you were offering." Spike said smirking slightly.

Buffy glared at him for a second as she crossed her arms in front of her but soon her face broke into a smile and a slight blush. Then her expression turned cheeky and seductive and she wrapped her arms around Spike's neck.

"Well seeing as you didn't quit…" Buffy said moving her lips to the side of his head. "I'm going to have to punish you instead." She said in a whisper as her lips brushed against his neck. Spike shivered in anticipation as his eyes fluttered shut, when he opened them again Buffy was walking away from him her hips swaying triumphantly as she'd finally managed to get one up on him in their little seduction games that they played. Spike simply cursed under his breath and prayed that tonight she would follow through on her promise to punish him.

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The music played on and then not long later they were waving the happy couple off on their honeymoon, Tara and Willow were still smiling at each with flirty glances which Dawn was trying not to get too excited about and Buffy and Spike were in each others' arms kissing frantically as soon as they'd finished waving.

"God get a room!" Dawn said as she turned and saw them. They stopped kissing and Buffy looked at Dawn slightly embarrassed but still smiling, Buffy had learned to lose a lot of her modesty with Spike.

"Well you heard her." Buffy said as she turned back to Spike and grabbed his hand dragging him with her as they headed for home.

"I swear those two are going to die from… sexual exhaustion or something!" Dawn said to Willow and Tara. The two witches simply blushed and then went back inside to join the rest of the party.

TBC…

_A/N: Sorry not much of an ending to that chapter… but I wanted to post it, anyway please review! What did you think of the way Buffy helped Xander? That was a tricky one to write I can tell you that! _


	21. Happiness

**Authors' note:** A Merry Christmas to you all and a Happy New Year! I apologise for the extreme corniness at the end of this story, I had already gone in that direction and it seemed the best way to finish it off! Thanks to Shelly, Kit-cat99, spikespet2002, Mita427, i luv spike, Descendant of Doom and kargrif for your very kind reviews… it's made me think I should possibly do a sequel to this story some time in the future but until then I know it's short but here's your ending….

**Chapter 21 – Happiness.**

When Willow had started 'accidentally' running into Tara after class and then they had had some coffee together and actually started talking she had never imagined it would lead to this so quickly, lying in bed with her girlfriend right beside her in all their naked glory. She had been so scared when she'd seen Tara with someone else, she really started to believe she had moved on but now with everything that had happened she knew they were meant to be together, soul mates.

"Hmmm…" Willow sighed contentedly. "I don't want to ever move."

Tara giggled running her hands up and down Willow's arms.

"Then we won't… we'll stay here forever!" Tara said smiling and still feeling giddy from their activities.

"Mmmm… if only." Willow said looking out the window from the bed at the sunshine. "Buffy and Dawn will be wondering what's become of me."

"Then let them wonder!" Tara said cheekily as she ran the hand over Willow's shoulder.

Willow turned back round so that they were lying face to face and a moment of calm of settled over them.

"I love you so much." Willow said looking into Tara's eyes.

"I love you too." Tara said as she brought her lips down to Willow's in a sweet kiss.

In the next room Buffy and Spike were lying in very similar position, they didn't know that Tara and Willow had got back together because last night they had been busy with each other making almost the same level of noise as Willow and Tara. Buffy was running her hands over Spike's chest revelling in the feel of his gorgeous skin. Spike was laying back completely relaxed against Buffy's soft sheets when she suddenly spoke causing him to start coughing of shock.

"You know we haven't eaten stuff off each other yet." She said.

"What?" Spike said pulling his head up slightly to look at her wide eyed. Buffy was actually very bold with him now, she was a minx in the bedroom or wherever they ended up and they both got very turned on by dirty talk and she was becoming even bolder so he shouldn't have really been surprised but the main reason he had been so taken aback was because of how she had just said it out of the blue after they had just woken up together and were enjoying a silent cuddle before they got up.

"You know… whipped cream, honey… although that could be sticky…" Buffy said mainly thinking out loud to herself.

"What made you suddenly think of eating food off each other, you hungry or something?" Spike said smiling as he started imaging her idea.

"Well I just like your body so much…" She said demonstrating by licking a line all the way up his chest … Spike's head rolled back at the sight and feel of Buffy worshipping him with her tongue.

"You're goin' to kill me Summers." Spike murmured his eyes drifting shut.

"In a good way I hope." Buffy said seductively sitting up and straddling him.

"Definitely…" Spike drawled as he pulled her head down for a fiery kiss, his hand tangled in her hair and they both moaned into the kiss.

Suddenly the door burst open and Dawn appeared bounding for joy.

"Willow and Tara are back together!" She shouted hysterically before realising that her sister and Spike were naked in bed on top of each other, luckily the sheets were covering most of them but Dawn still let out an 'eek' and jumped back covering her eyes.

"Sorry… really sorry!" Dawn said backing out of the room with her eyes still covered.

When the door shut Buffy and Spike looked at each for a second before both bursting into laughter.

**Epilogue **

Happiness is something everyone searches for, to be content. When Buffy first woke in her grave and began to live again all she was searching for was little things to get her through the day, or just the next moment. The past year had changed everything, they had all been through so much but Buffy felt she had changed the most, being brought back from the dead most definitely changes you. Buffy stopped then looking up into the night sky for a moment as she watched the stars, it was a clear crisp night in Sunnydale and unexpectedly silent as well, all she could hear was the faint breeze and it whistled past her ears. Her mind was brought back to changes… everyone had grown up but without really noticing or maybe they all had noticed but with Buffy it seemed to just pass her by and at the end of it she looked back and realised all those instances had changed everything and brought her to this moment in time.

Strong fingers threaded through hers and she looked back down from the sky to gaze upon something far more beautiful, she knew he really wouldn't appreciate her thinking of him as beautiful but sometimes it was just the only word that came to mind when she looked at him. He smiled at her, a genuine smile rather then his usual smirk, she loved his real smile, it was so innocent and happy. He gently tugged her to him even though there was really no need because she was already leaning into his body. She nuzzled into his neck breathing the essential scent that was Spike before placing a kiss there and then resting her head on his shoulder. His arms tightly surrounded her and she felt like the safest person of earth.

"Spike?" She said, his name being spoken like a caress.

"Yes luv?" He said pulling his head back slightly to look at her.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Spike said lightly brushing a small piece of hair back from Buffy's face.

Their lips met in a tender kiss, both their lips parting and tongues meeting at the same time, so much feeling and passion went into their kisses, Buffy felt that if she didn't have to breath she would want to keep kissing Spike forever. When they broke apart her eyes were drawn back up to the sky, stars twinkled making the dark night look like a magical wonderland, she looked back down to Spike.

She felt this was only the beginning; so much more was to come.

But it didn't matter what was going to happen in the future, because she would be able to face it and she would have joy and love in her heart.

The End.

_A/N: Please Review!_


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